Where were you when… ?

Memories and the impact of major societal events are such a subjective and generational thing that before I even say a word here, I’m wrong before I start.

There are constantly new events happening that shape our culture or at the very least influence our pop culture.  Some of these events have such a universal appeal that people attribute them with the “Where were you when … happened?” status.  Because I’m a cranky old man stuck in a fat kid’s body, I’m pissed off that some people have already started giving Michael Jackson’s death that level of status.

Obviously, I’m not a fan but you know what?  Fuck it, he was amazingly talented and he most definitely changed the face of pop music.  He was indeed the King of Pop, but does his death really deserve the same status as all the generally accepted “Where were you when…”s?

• Pearl Harbor
• JFK assassination and by proxy, Oswald killed on live TV
• Moon landing
• Space Shuttle Challenger
• September 11, 2001

Three of those five events happened before my time.  But I don’t think anyone will ever dispute the influence those events had on American society.  As Emperor of Earth™ I officially recognize the five events listed above.  There are plenty of applications on the list of events that want that status, but really, when you open the doors to every mundane event, don’t you tarnish the luster of the ones that truly deserve our attention?  If you let every kid who ever played Little League into Cooperstown, wouldn’t Babe Ruth and Joe DiMaggio get lost in the crowd?  Some of the events vying for official recognition are:

• Berlin Wall comes down
• Columbine shootings
• Hurricane Katrina
• OJ Verdict
• Princess Dianna (wedding or death)

As the EOE™, I am not ready to recognize these events as worthy of that level of reverence.  Each of them are important in their own way, but none of them make the list yet.  But now they want me to add Michael Jackson dying to the list?

Honestly, (and this is where I start to repeat myself from last week’s post…) was his death THAT much of a shock?  I think the reason people remember where they were when an event happens is because the event was so shocking, so amazing, or so unexpected.  Really, Jackson’s been ill for decades and even if he was in prime health, he’s a 50-year old rock star that hasn’t put out new music in ten years and nothing any of you can name (without Googling it) in the last 22 years!  He’s been hiding from the spotlight for years due to all these health issues and the accusations of him being a Catholic priest, so when he died it was really more if a “Oh yeah, I remember him” than a tragic shock.  Okay, the ‘having to be reminded who he was’ line was a bit of an exaggeration…  And while I’m at it, the Catholic priest line was a but of a cheap shot too…

If we are going to start allowing the simple act of dying to be a noteworthy event, don’t we have to be selective in SOME way?  Otherwise, EVERYONE gets on the list.  JFK is an easy one, he was the fricking President!  If we had anyone still alive from the era, I’d totally add “Where were you when you heard Abraham Lincoln was shot?” to the list (fuck Garfield and McKinley).  Michael Jackson is not as shocking as that.

Entertainers?  Where were you when John Belushi or Chris Farley died?  Don’t know?  Neither do I.

What if we bring it down to the level of musicians?  Where do you draw the line?  At what level do musicians acquire superstar status as to make their deaths noteworthy by everyone?

• Keith Moon and Cass Elliot?  No.  Couldn’t imagine non-fans giving a shit.
• Kurt Cobain and TuPac?  Giving even less than a shit here…  BUT, they died unexpectedly and in their prime.
• Richie Valens, JP Richardson and Buddy Holly?  They get a honorable mention because they all died together in a plane crash.

I think there is a sliding scale.  The more obscure you are, the more tragic or unexpected your death has to be.  Elvis had more long term clout that John Lennon, but I think (among non-fans) that they rate equal status.  Elvis was more popular, but he died like Jackson; out of his prime and had a non-violent death behind closed doors.  Lennon was less popular than Elvis, but he was shot to death on a public street and arguably still in his productive years.

It’s obvious that you’ll feel the blow and remember more about the death of those people you are fans of.  I still remember the day I heard about Sam Kinison’s death.  Half of you just said, “Who?” and the other half just said, “Oh yeah, I remember him…  he’s dead?  I just thought he was playing small clubs like the ‘Comedy Strip’ in Peoria.”  And that’s my point.  If you follow someone’s career, you might remember more about them, you might feel like they are important.  Doesn’t make you right though…

If I died tonight in my sleep, only about ten of you will give a flying ratfuck.  Probably only one of you will remember for the rest of your life where you were when I died.

Now, if I was a famous rock star, I’d get about 10,000 people who cared that I died.  And still only one of you would remember for the rest of your life where you were when I died.

But if I were insane (HEY!  The jury’s still out on that one bub!) and I had a crazy idea(*) that involved violence and massive numbers of innocent people died, the event might warrant your remembrance, but not my individual death.

Wait, how did we get here and why am I destroying half of humanity?  Oh yeah, Michael Jackson…  I declare his death to be: Sad for fans, important to the music industry, worthy of a Wikipedia page, but not worthy of the “Where were you when Michael Jackson died?” status.

I swore to myself that I wouldn’t write a god-damned post about Michael-fucking-Jackson, and here I am writing up a SECOND ONE!!!!   And for the record: Billy Mays is not a celebrity.  Don’t argue with me!  He might be a nice guy and all and no disrespect to him or his family but he ranks right up there with Susan Powter and the fat kid who sings into a webcam on YouTube.  Andy Warhol may have given these people 15 minutes, but it doesn’t make them celibrities…

(*) Details of “crazy idea” withheld for several reasons:

• 1: You get the point without the details.
• B: To truly make the point, I’d have to describe an event so horrific that really, it’s in poor taste even for me.  At least in the confines of this forum anyway…
• III: If I were to describe something and either someone went out and did it or if I did something similar in the future, this stupid little exercise in futility could be held as evidence as incitement or premeditation.
• 4: Because it’s driving you nuts wondering what’s going through my head right now and that’s a LOT cooler than actually creating my own little scenario…