Why do the strange things always happen to me? It’s funny, Teresa and I were just talking about how I had a run of weird shit happen all in a row and that it seems to have passed. This one’s not exactly bizarre but it is definitely strange.
I went in to renew my driver’s license and the guy kept looking at me funny. He had the guy at the next window look at his screen and then he started looking at me funny. I started to get worried because the last time I renewed there was an outstanding warrant on me and they tried to arrest me. It turned out to be an error but now I was wondering if it was back. The guy says, “I know you’ve got all that long pretty hair and all but this ain’t you is it?” My license number, my name, my address, not my face on the computer. I’m in contact with my feminine side, I’ve got longish hair and I’ve even got the tits but I’m no woman.
They did ten minutes of research (which is an eternity standing at that window) and finally pulled up my previous pictures on the screen. They determined that I am really a guy and that there was some error in the system. Someone filed this woman’s picture under my DL number. Because of all that I can’t renew at this office, I have to go over to the state office and have them do it. It’s not like I’m trying to be this chick, it’s not like I had her stand in line for me and got her picture taken. Even if it is, I’m standing right in front of the guy and he has my previous pictures, I am obviously me! Why can’t he take my picture, give me my license and file the paperwork to have this erroneous picture removed from my file which I never put in there in the first place? I didn’t go over to the state office and beg them “please fuck up and put the wrong picture in the wrong file”, why do I have to go over there and beg to have it taken off?
It’s okay, I really don’t need a new license; the world is coming to an end. I have eight more days before it expires on my birthday and I fully expect the Rapture, Ragnarok, Qiyamah, End of Days, the day of the White Buffalo Woman, whatever you wish to call it, the end is coming and I have proof. I just saw a commercial on television. No, me watching TV is not one of the seven seals… It was an older couple at a dance (?) and they were sneaking off to go bang one out in the hallway. The music was Elvis’s “Viva Las Vegas” but the lyrics were, “Viva Viagra”. UGH! The Beatles “Revolution” being used to sell Nikes wasn’t bad enough, now Elvis is hawking Viagra. Say goodbye to your loved ones, the world is coming to an end.
On a slightly less scary note, Teresa and I just got back from the home studio where we finalized the details for our new house. Color of the paint, add an electrical outlet here, pre-wire for surround sound, thickness of the carpet pad, style of cabinets… stuff like that. We picked it all out a few weeks ago and today we made all our choices final. I had a few items dropped from the list and added in a few others. I was going to drop the garage door opener figuring I could put that in later by myself. That was until I heard Heffner telling me how much trouble he was having putting his up last week. I decided it was worth the money to have it done when we move in. It is incredible how much money goes into this kind of stuff. There were a few “priority” items that we were willing to scrap the rest of the stuff in favor of. The kitchen details, the screened in patio and the hardwood floors. Without these, it wasn’t her dream house.
Well we were slightly over our already tight budget before they dropped the $8k on us for the wood floors. We went home and thought hard about what we needed vs. what we wanted. Then we got a call from the builders and they told us that the base price of the house is being dropped $10k because of the housing market. Now we’ve got our wood flooring with room to spare for a couple of the other things that were on the borderline of being cut. Yay for us!
We still went with all the standard/plain light fixtures and faucets and stuff (things that I can change out myself) and spent almost $30k in changes to the house and we haven’t even started building it yet! It may be my job to worry and doubt but I’m starting to come around to Teresa’s point of view. We CAN do this and the numbers are lining up in the right order showing me the same thing. This is all falling into place just right. I’m actually starting to get excited about this now.
Excited but still worried. My worry is now on a new target. The house we live in now. The guy came by this morning to advise us on selling and what we should/should not do. We had already anticipated most of his comments (except for painting the crown molding white!) and we’re already planning on getting everything straightened up for putting the house on the market. This means I lose the comfort of my den! The windows need to be unblocked, the fake cobwebs need to come down, the ram head needs to be removed, the clutter needs to go. Oh man, I knew this was coming but I’m not ready to say goodbye to my den already. I thought I had a few more months in my wonderful inner sanctum. The guy wants to have this place ready to put on the market in 30 days. I have no doubt I can clear the space in that time but where do I put all the stuff!? I can’t (won’t) get rid of it all and the books STAY! I’ll compromise and get rid of a lot of it if we sell it in a garage sale or even donate it. I won’t throw it all away. Someone out there wants this old crap… So maybe I can clean out the den but who wants to help me with painting the house and clearing the ground clutter of weeds?
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