Tuesday, 7-31-7

Tuesday, 7-31-7 Lithasblot

I just wanted to write a few hundred words and go to sleep tonight. I have had momentary spurts of inspiration in my new project. Ideas that spring to life in notes and blurbs but have yet to really take form. I wanted to sit here and make one come to life and then get some sleep. I have another drive ahead of me tomorrow before I can start my work day. Gulfport/Biloxi, Mississippi is three hours away and I have to be there at 10am. I figured I’d get to sleep early. That didn’t work. Not yet anyway.

I finished my paperwork around 8pm. I have the sliding-glass door to the balcony open and the noises from the pool drifted up into the room. Children laughing and somewhere a radio played “the hits of the 80′s and 90′s” just soft enough that I didn’t hear it unless I listened for it. The noises got softer as the sun dropped below the horizon, extinguished by the shallow waters of the Gulf of Mexico. I sat here in front of this laptop while the breeze blew the curtains into the room and the only remaining sound was the waves crashing on the shore. I looked up toward the ocean and I see the recently full moon making her journey, chasing the sun. How can I waste my time in front of a machine on a night like this?

So I went downstairs and grabbed my drum and sat on the beach. For a long time I didn’t play anything but just sat there enjoying the night air. I started to think of all the complaining I do and all the joys of life I take for granted. I know that I truly don’t deserve all I have, but if I don’t, who does? I’m not a great man but I’m also not a bad man. I think all I need to do is recognize that I put myself in situations and if I don’t like it, I can change it. After some thought on this, I remembered that I have it pretty good and that for all my inherent fucked-up-ness, I’m doing alright.

I started playing (lightly) on my drum and let her take me where she will. As much as I don’t like the beach, I love the ocean at night. And my drum LOVES the beach. Every time I get a chance to play out here I truly feel inspired. Tonight I was reminded of just how good life is and how much of a pussy I am for bitching about my own mediocrity when I am the cause of it all.