The bug-du-jure; Dragonflies. There were thousands of them swarming me as I tried to work today. Yesterday it was horseflies and they are out again today but I think the dragonflies have them outnumbered. I don’t know if dragonflies bite but I seem to have gotten bitten less today than I did yesterday. The gnats are a constant presence but after stuffing paper towel in my ears and squinting I can get past them for the most part. Although Teresa said I spent most of last night tossing and turning swatting at imaginary bugs in my sleep.
Last Friday I was heading home when a quick storm hit I-10. One of those immediate downpours that you don’t see coming. The wind was so bad I really expected to see a tornado come across the highway. The rain was coming down so hard that I had a hard time staying on the road and I just trusted that no one would be stupid enough to slow to a stop in the left lane. That’s putting a lot of faith in strangers but I really had little choice other than pulling over into the right lane and that’s where all the REALLY stupid fuckers were. You do NOT drive with your flashers on you dimwits!
So I couldn’t see much but I was expecting to see a tornado. What I did NOT expect to see was a rainbow. Not some beautiful-high-in-the-sky rainbow but a strangely horrible rainbow that scared the shit out of me. It was ON the road. I mean, it stretched from the word on my right to the woods on the other side of the highway and it had an elevation of zero. At first the light was sepia toned and then I saw the colors. I was driving right for it and I felt like I would come out on the other side into the Twilight Zone or something. It was something out of a sci-fi or fantasy novel. Of course rainbows being what they are I never really “hit” the rainbow but when it dissipated I felt better. A little sad because it really was beautiful but it was scary more than anything.
I said I was headed home but really I was driving to my parent’s house in Hernando. It was “home from work” at least. As I got off the highway and closer to their place I hit a two lane highway. There is a Black Navigator on my tail and a slow car in front of me. The Navigator all but runs me off the road trying to pass me and pulls in front of me. He taps his brakes just to teach me a lesson I guess. The only thing I learned from that was that there was an asshole behind the wheel of the Navigator in front of me. So we drive out three in a row because there is enough traffic in the oncoming lane to keep us from passing the slow-poke.
On the right there is a little clearing where the power lines cross the road. Right at the edge is a deer. As the cars approach it turns and leaps into the clearing as butterflies float around her. The sun is coming into the clearing and it is a scene right out of a television commercial for natural spring water or something. I don’t have time to really take the moment in because the asshole in front of me wanted a better look and slammed on his brakes. I really didn’t need the adrenaline rush. I am really starting to hate this guy. Another mile down the road and this guy’s tossing bottles out of his truck. Not even two miles after the beautiful scene with the deer this guy is tossing garbage into the woods. Now I really do hate this asshole. I felt like “Iron Eyes” Cody (we DO have something in common; neither of us is Native American) and wanted to cry at the pure stupidity of this guy. Thankfully he passes the next car and takes off.
I decide not to pass the slowpoke car because my turn is up about a mile ahead. I can wait. As we approach the turn the guy in front of me turns on his signal. I guess I’ll be following this guy all the way in. Right at the turn, this guy comes to a complete stop. This is not a 90 degree turn. This is not even a sharp curve. It is a sweeping fork in the road. You can hit this turn at top speed and not even skip a beat. But for some reason this guy slows to a stop and pauses like there’s a stop sign and he’s waiting for oncoming traffic! As soon as there is room I hit top speed and pass this guy. I don’t give him a gesture or even a dirty look. We’re too close to my parent’s house and they might know him. So I didn’t egg him on but for some reason the guy who held up traffic to 40mph on the one road is now on my ass and I’m doing 60mph! I finally got to the house without having a stroke but I did come up with some new words!
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