We drove up to Pennsylvania this weekend. The ride up was stormy and long but thankfully absent of any real drama or problems. Becca’s earache turned out to be a full blown infection and the rain created a few “driving blind down a mountain at 70mph” situations but other than that, it was quiet.
We had Luna in the car with us so we really couldn’t stop anywhere for lunch or dinner. We had dropped Pagan off at my Mom and Dad’s last weekend because he likes it down there and we’re not sure he’s ready for a trip like this. He’s much more of a relaxing/pampered dog than the running/jumping/hunting dog atmosphere up here. That and he gets carsick so, he gets a nice vacation relaxing with Kittie this week.
We hit the rest stops and gas stations for potty breaks and she took advantage of surprisingly few of them. The map program always says it is a 14 hour drive but every time I drive it, even with nominal stops, it is a solid 18 hour drive. It’s like the twilight zone up here. Once we hit Virginia I don’t care how long it takes. The driving is easier and the scenery is to die for. I’m tired and I’d like to be in a bed but if I have to be behind the wheel I’d rather do it here than in the boring flatlands of Florida.
I had my favorite road-kill story happen on this trip. My previous favorite was Thom’s story of having to clean a fish off of the front of a car (a large bird dropped it). My story isn’t a funny or as dramatic but I liked it. We had seen the deer on the side of the road and had a close call with a baby bunny. It was dark and there were no cars around. Teresa was dozing off in the passenger seat. I shouted and woke her up, “Hey cool! Look at this, Look!” She bolted upright, scared. She finally saw that I was pointing at the windshield. A small blotch of green light was glowing on the windshield. It was like a large droplet from the inside of a green glow-stick. I had to assume we had just hit a lightning bug. That or we hit an alien! I had never seen that before. The glow lasted about ten or twelve seconds and faded out. I wonder how it would look if you drove through a whole bunch of them at once.
We finally arrived around 3am. The last 45 minutes was the worst. They were familiar roads, we have driven them a hundred times, but after a long trip they seemed to stretch on forever. 18 hours is too long for a human to be trapped in a tiny little Isuzu.
By the end of my little report, you’ll learn a simple list of three things to do and three things to NOT do.
NEVER:
Cut before knowing the final plan
Dry-fire a bow
Open a gate near horses
DO:
Enjoy the fresh air
Empty a bottle of wine (or two)
Sit by a fire, enjoy your loved ones
Friday we drove around and did some chores. We took Becca to the doctors and got her some medicine for her ear. We went to the market and got some vegetables. That was about the extent of it but we took the long way around on all the roads. Teresa drove do she wouldn’t get motion sick. We enjoyed the sights and the conversation. Well, the three of us did. Lizzy and Becca each had their iPods in their ears. That didn’t stop them from complaining that they were hungry though.
While we were out we stopped by the sportsman store looking for instructions/advice on loading Jerry’s new pistol. An 1850′s model black powder 44cal. I looked around and fantasized about wining the lottery because that was the only way I’d get everything I wanted in this store. I fell in love with an oversized canoe and about four different rifles. Money money money…
I did buy some arrows though. Jerry said he had a new bow and I wanted to shoot it when we got home. I was looking at the arrows and I was amazed to see how expensive they were. $10 for just the shaft!? That was average price too. Some of them went up to $20! To build an arrow with all of the parts you could easily spend between $20 to $60. For just ONE arrow! I started to rethink my idea when one of the guys in the store finally came over. I told him I was looking for some simple target practice arrows and he grabbed a bunch from behind the counter. $2.50 each and that includes shaft, noc, tip and flights. I was much happier and bought five of them.
We got home and started to relax for real. Jerry had me cut one of the burn barrels down for a small fire ring. I wanted to cut above the first ridge so the ridge would still be part of the barrel but Jerry insisted I cut below it “for strength”. Well, I thought we’d have more strength if we cut above it but it’s his saw, his barrel and his fire. I grabbed the saw and cut from the top, down past the first ridge and then around the barrel. It took me a while to figure it out but Jerry wanted the TOP third of the barrel for the fire ring not the bottom two thirds! I just cut through the ring and ruined it. I can be so stupid. Know what you are cutting for BEFORE you start to cut.
So I can be stupid but I can also be ignorant. I know next to nothing about horses. They have hooves, John Wayne rode one, I fell off one once and they are strong animals. That’s about it. One thing I learned; even small horses are not the same as large dogs. We went to gather some wood for the fire and had to go into the horse pen. When we were carting it back out, I opened the gate and just held Lizzy’s mini horse back with my leg. Much like you would do if you were going out the front door and holding the family dog back. The horse did a full leap, cleared my leg without so much as a thought and then ran around for ten minutes while I looked dumb, calling to it like I would a dog. Jerry eventually got the horse back into the pen but how was I supposed to know? I know jack shit about horses.
Jerry got his bow out and I drew it back. I’d guess it was a 30 to 40 pound pull and I let it go with a “SNAP!” I hadn’t shot a bow in years but I never remembered them being that loud. It sounded like a gunshot. I tried to draw it back a second time and couldn’t. The string had come off of the bottom cam. It was impossible to try to pull it back on and after searching for the right tools we noticed a crack in the fork holding the pully. We took it into the shop and the guy said it looks like it was dry-fired. I know enough to not dry-fire a gun but why not a bow? I asked why and the guy looked at me like I just asked him if I could stuff his favorite dog’s ass with razor blades. He explained that without an arrow, there was nowhere for the energy to go. I just couldn’t believe that this light arrow, which provided almost no resistance, could absorb that much energy.
So, after a lesson on how fucking stupid I was, the guy put the bow on a press and reset the sting and told us where the distributor was for replacing the cracked bow arm. When we got there, the guy asked if it had ever been dry-fired. Apparently, this is a big deal and only stupid fucks like me ever dry-fire a bow. It was a nice $650 bow but now it’s a wall decoration.
Well kids, Mr. Wizard just died last week so I’ll have to do my best to display my ignorance for all to see. Physics is a strange world. Stranger still to those of us that slept and planned world domination during physics class. I know enough but if I had paid attention I could have learned so much more…
Energy must be dissipated. You store up energy by pulling back the bowstring and when it is released, it creates a great amount of force. When used properly (like, WITH an arrow) the bow concentrates most of the energy into the arrow and what is left over is absorbed by the bow arms and felt as vibration in the handle. When you have no arrow, the bow absorbs all of the energy and you fuck up a perfectly good bow. Now that I have looked it up on line, it is apparently the primary cardinal sin and a true sign of someone who doesn’t know shit for a bow to be dry-fired. The guy in the store and all of the reading I’ve done on line tell me that I was very lucky that the bow didn’t literally explode and send pieces all over the place when it happened. If a bow creates “x” force, the arrow must weigh “y” grains. If you use too light of an arrow in too heavy of a bow, it is almost the same as dry-firing it. So, there is much more to it than I thought.
While Jerry and I were at the archery shop, Teresa built a fire and when we got back we all cooked hot dogs on sticks and threw fresh sweet corn on the coals. We sat at the fire having our impromptu dinner and drinking wine. Talking shit and enjoying the cool night air. The kids wanted to go inside because their iPod batteries had run low and they were stuck sitting around “bored”. How can you be bored in this world? There’s so much to do, so many things to learn, boredom is just something I haven’t felt in a long time. Even when there’s nothing to do, there’s something running round in my mind…
After it started to get dark (around 9:30), the girls went inside and Jerry followed shortly after. Teresa and I sat by the fire for a while longer and just enjoyed the time alone. “This is what I imagine” was all I had to say and she just agreed, knowing just what I meant. We sat and cuddled by the fire for just long enough to be perfect.
After Teresa went inside I sat and watched the fire for a few more minutes. I figured I had the time, everyone inside was settling down in front of the television and I only had one more full day up here. I’d rather make the most of it before I have to leave rather than waste it in front of the TV. So I sat and watched the embers slowly cascade over each other like a molten pool and I watched the fireflies. They were all over the yard and I suddenly wished Becca was out here to see them. I thought about the one we hit with the car and gave him a back-story. His name was Doug and I won’t go into all of the details but it is safe to say that it ended badly for him.
I don’t recall ever seeing a firefly in Florida. I’m sure they might be there but I’ve never seen one. I remember watching them in my backyard in Connecticut. I used to imagine them as elvish sprites scouting the area for dangers and threats before the dark elves would come out. Hey, fuck you! It was my childhood not yours and you already know I have a twisted imagination so piss off! I remember seeing them on camping trips and even once in Tennessee but never in Florida. Maybe I’m just never outside enough in Florida.
So, tending the dying fire and watching the floating green dots I sat and enjoyed the fresh air and let my mind wander. The air up there gives me some of my favorite ideas for stories and characters. In the middle of doing nothing I noticed that one of the fireflies was pale, almost white and moving differently than the others. It took me a second but I finally snapped back to reality and to my surroundings. I had forgotten where I was but I remembered quickly when the white firefly moved left and a second one appeared just to its right. Eyes. I was a fool for not noticing it earlier. While spotting and especially while driving you look for the eyes. I quickly judged the height and movement of the animal and surmised it was a small deer. Wolves, bobcat, bear and coyotes are up here too so I had to think about it for a second and decided on small deer. I felt stupid for being so far from the house without so much as a stick to hold in front of me. Deer go out from behind the house every day, they are a common sight and while I never tire of seeing them, they are, common. I’ve seen one bear (surprisingly small) and plenty of fox out here. Once I got inside the house I felt better but after being foolish enough to forget my surroundings I felt better calling it a small deer.
Saturday was the family reunion. We arrived just as things were getting set up in earnest. Dick put me in charge of building the fire and keeping it going. One of the young distant cousin’s is a sou chef so he started taking over cook duties on the fire. I was more than happy to let him. On our second “Beer run” Teresa spotted a bottle of “ApfelKorn” and by the time we were ready to start cooking the burgers and dogs, I was looking at the bottom of the bottle. Dick was cooking up some delicious frog legs and jumbo shrimp on the stove top, Todd was now in charge of the meats. All I had to do was sit back, enjoy the breeze and drink. Somehow I got dragged into a game of kickball with the kids but I insisted on being designated pitcher. You don’t want to see this fat guy run with a drink in his hand. We all had a nice time. Becca felt left out as usual, Teresa got to visit with her family, Dick, Jerry and I drank enough to be glad that Teresa was driving home. On the way home, Jerry was telling Teresa about one time when his alternator went out while driving this road. She flipped her lights off for a split second and actually yelped at how utterly dark it was. I wouldn’t want to be out there, coasting the truck back down the hill without lights. It was black as can be and with those hills and curves, someone could be on top of you before they even saw you. Some of those curves up there are so tight I swear I see my own tail lights when I go around the corners.
Sunday was nice. We got up and the girls went shopping while Jerry and I drove out to pick up Dick and take him back up to Wilcox to get his truck. Just about the time we got back (after taking a LOT of scenic routes) we settled in for a nap and the girls walked in about twenty minutes later. We sat around for a little bit and heard a helicopter flying low. We went outside and sure enough it was flying low, it landed in the field next door. The fire truck and ambulance showed up minutes later and transferred some guy to the helicopter for transport to Pittsburgh. We’re taking bets. My money is on an ATV accident. Lots of kids on ATVs up here and not a week goes by without someone getting hurt on one.
After gawking at the rescues vehicles (with binoculars) I stayed outside and enjoyed the breeze. It’s been in the 60′s in the morning and climbs into the mid 70′s in the afternoon. It was threatening rain today but it never happened around us. During one of our drives we hit some spots where the rain had just fallen but not one drop hit us. It has been beautiful weather up here.
The girls took us out to dinner and I found a spot along the way that had enough cell coverage to call my Dad. He was on his way back to church for the evening but I had a nice chat with him. He normally passes me off to Mom but this time I got to talk with him.
We crashed early because Lizzy had school in the morning and we had a long drive in to Pittsburgh. Just about the time we were ready to doze off, Teresa bolts upright and says, “What the Hell was that?” Bobbing around Becca’s bed is two more lightning bugs. We just couldn’t get away from them this week I guess.
This morning we got up, saw Lizzy off to school and got on the road. The drive in was smooth and quick until Jerry said that there was normally more traffic on a Monday morning. Just over the next ridge, bumper to bumper traffic. Of course. After twenty minutes of that, they dropped me off and I flew home. The airport was simple enough. There was a normal line for security but nothing like the mammoth Disneyesque line we had to endure a few years ago. The only real trouble I had was one of the rent-a-cops took issue with my t-shirt. I had gotten looks from it all morning, most of them smiles and giggles, one quizzical and another dismissive. It simply says, “You don’t see me, I’m Obfuscating”. You can see on people’s faces those that get it and/or figure it out from those that have no clue. It is a simple shirt, no big deal. The line-furher that singled me out obviously didn’t get it. Did she have a bad morning? Did she have a bad homelife? I don’t know but I WANT to know why I attract the people that take great joy in giving me shit! She pointed to my shirt and asked what it meant. I laughed while I told her, expecting that she was just curious like everyone else that asks. She looked more confused and walked away. She went over to the podium and asked her supervisor/manager/fellow-flunkie about me. The other woman (a large pasty white woman with a name-tag of “Shirley”) came over and looked at me, turned toward the security guard and said, “It’s just a t-shirt, let it go.” I had no idea that I was now a suspect simply because I use words (or closer to the truth, wear a t-shirt that uses words) that some people don’t understand. If I wore a shirt that had a picture of a gun on it, would it be an issue? What about my “Knights Who Say Ni!” T-shirt? It has a picture of a sword, would it cause problems? Why do these people single me out? I swear I was just smiling and minding my own business. This time…
Just because you don’t have a decent command of the English language or the language skills to infer enough of the meaning given the context, don’t hold me down to your paltry standards. The whole point of the stupid shirt is the fact that it is an under used word and a LOT of people don’t know what it means. And just for a second, let’s say I decided to use my evil genius for bad rather than good… Would I wear a t-shirt announcing my bad intentions in obscure words if I was up to no good? I’d love to tell you that she had the three inch fingernails and three foot hairdo but that was not the case. It would make the story a little better but, not true.
Oh well, I landed in Atlanta ready for my four hour lay-over. I pulled out the laptop and typed away. I called Wade who reset my password on the website but after hanging up I found that I couldn’t upload any data. We fixed that later on and now you are finally reading the results of many hours labor. While on the phone, Wade offered to pick me up at the airport which was really nice of him. I was going to just cab it home but he insisted on coming to get me. I didn’t make any plans because I didn’t want to bother anyone. It’s unusual for me to ask for help and it is really nice when people offer. It makes me feel all warm and gushy… Ewww…
When I was in Pittsburgh they announced they needed seats and I volunteered because the later flight still allowed me to keep the same connector to Jacksonville. Lay-over in Atlanta or lay-over in Pittsburgh, I’m stuck here either way. They ended up with enough seats and didn’t need mine. Sitting here in Atlanta they made the same announcement but this time I can’t volunteer, I have to get home, I have to get away from all these people!
I ended up being almost an hour late coming into Jacksonville. The plane came in to Pittsburgh early and we boarded a full thirty minutes before the flight time on the boarding pass. Then, we sat. And sat. We rolled another hundred feet down the tarmac and sat some more. We were scheduled to come in to Jacksonville at 6:56 and at 6:48 I looked out the window and saw eight planes in line in front of us ready to take off. We finally took to the air and after a surprisingly short flight landed safely and luckily Wade was still there to get me. I felt bad about being late, that’s one of the reasons I didn’t want to impose on anyone by asking them to pick me up but he was cool about it.
Well, that about wraps up the trip. I went, I had fun, I came home. Not much more to say. Teresa and Becca will be back before the 4th of July. Jerry and Lizzy will be coming with them and Lizzy will stay a few weeks here with us. Teresa has a lot of plans for the girls for the summer. If I have to work Orlando again this summer they will come and stay with me and hit all the water parks during the day while I’m working. That sounds like fun and it keeps me out of the water so it works for everyone. Lots to do, schedules fill up fast.
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