Maybe it’s the sleep deprivation, maybe it’s a mental meltdown, maybe it’s my suicidal nature being loosed from within but I just don’t care anymore. I have had enough of playing nice and keeping the waters calm.
We’ve been trying to test this one circuit for over a month now. Every time we come across it, something keeps up from completing it. The word has come down that it needs to be closed out with the end of the month (Tuesday). Of course, he I sit at 4pm waiting on engineering support. Been here since 8am and every thing about this circuit is wrong. We get the engineers on the line and they do the big, “um, um, um” story about how they designed it correctly and how somewhere along the line it got screwed up. I try to clarify the situation and they tried to pin it on me. I saw how asinine their new design was, I saw how they must have transposed the telco circuit IDs and I tried to help clarify things. All I got for my knowledge was the blame. They attacked me even when it was obvious that the problem HAD to have been initiated by them. Rather than sink back down and allow Bob to calm things down, I raised my voice over the rest and asked (in one breath);
“This site was installed over 2 years ago and only had two T1s coming into it. Things went smoothly for 2 years and we are scheduled to drop a third T1 into the site. Now we are coming up with problems because the existing T1s are in port 1 and 2 and your new design says they should be in port 2 and 3. Rather than change the drawings and designs to put the new T1 in port 3, you want us to get a 2am maintenance window, interrupt all of the services, change all the old drawings and designs and move the 2 existing T1s to allow the new T1 to terminate in port 1 all because you say that your new drawings are correct?!”
I swear, the only answer I got was a quiet but strong, “Yes”. He had won. I was beating my head against a large, impenetrable, ignorant stone wall. I was wasting my time, my breath and my energy. All I could do was laugh. I started laughing out loud. I didn’t mute the phone, I didn’t care anymore. The absurdity of it all was just too overwhelming. It was so sad that it was funny.
My NOCC tech, Carl, is a good guy. He is fond of talking about politics and religion. He’s not very fond of hearing about these topics, just talking about them. He’s always the one that brings these up on conference lines with 10 people listening in. I knew he was out to start trouble today when he asked Joe (an active reservist) what he thought about politicians calling the military murderers and rapists. What kind of loaded question is that? Why would you ask him that? Unless you wanted to start trouble, that was a stupid question. Joe is a strong and articulate man. He also knows when bait is bait and he didn’t take it. He just made a few comments that told Carl to shut the fuck up and of course, he did. For a few seconds. Then he brings up religion. He sets his sights on me now. He knows where I’m at on this one. He starts in on the Muslims and keeps pausing for approval. Normally I just smile and nod silently but this time I just give him rope, lots and lots of rope. He says how there are contradictions in the Koran. Pause and I agree. He says how the local Imams determine the interpretation of the Koran. Pause, I agree. He says that many of the Imams are preaching their duty to destroy the non believers. Pause, I agree. (Rope. Lots and lots of rope) He says that for all their beliefs, there is not one shred of evidence to back their claims. Pause and another emphatic agreement from me. Then he asks, “How can anyone believe in this kind of garbage?” Of course, my only response was, “The same way you believe in your version of the same story. There are contradictions in your Bible, you preacher tells you his interpretation of the story and there are plenty of examples Christian groups trying to destroy the non believers.”
He tried to start in with the old “they call it a religion of peace but they are so violent” line but I immediately shut him back down. I’ve just felt so lethal today that it was hard to NOT say something. We got back to work rather quickly after that. He does this about once every 2 months or so and I normally just keep silent, especially when he does it on a conference bridge with lots of people. Once, he got everyone all worked up and agreeing with him and I hung up in the middle of it all. When I dialed back into the call, he apologized for bringing up religion. I guess he knew why I hung up.
Sometimes it just gets too thick to deal with and I can’t stand to hear it. Not only the ignorance but the seething hatred these people have of any culture other than their own. People like Carl wrap themselves up in the American flag, grab their Bible and then close their eyes to the world. It’s sickening to me. I wish I had done more traveling before I became “all respectable like”. Probably would have gone to waste. Maybe I’ll look forward to a lot of travel in my later years. Not just travel within my safety zone, I want to see something beyond the tourist hotels. I want to go to east Europe, I want to go to Africa, I want to see India. I want to see strange lands with ancient people that I can learn from. I don’t want to stay in the 4star hotels, I want to sweat my ass off in a hut with the locals. I want to eat the strange foods, serve me the dog-omelet, I’ll eat it! I want to see and appreciate how other people live. Whether or not I actually do get out into the world, I read about these places and I want to know. I get the distinct feeling that there are fewer like me out there and more like Carl.
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