I just don’t know how to feel right now. The stage is all set for me to be in a good mood. The weather has turned cool (for the moment), the job has pretty much been saved for now, everything is actually going relatively well, (did I mention the weather?) but I just don’t feel it. I did. For about an hour. I was all but jumping up and down, ready to have one of my “good” days. But then, all of a sudden, a domino chain fell and I just have a cloud of hate around me again. It’s such a shame because I really don’t want to waste this weather. I’d rather be outside, having a good time. But I just don’t feel it. I want to sit in a dark room with a revolver, contemplating the odds of 1:6. The fact that I am wasting this cold snap is making things worse. I can’t pull myself out of it. I want to die a slow cruel death so that I can say I experienced something real in this life. Something honest. So far, everything has been fluff and I don’t know what real life is anymore.
Leave a Reply