Got back last night from hitting all four Disney parks in 4 days. Some more than once.
I don’t know why they bill this place as “The Happiest Place on Earth”. Most of the kids I saw were crying and most of the adults looked beaten down. Muttering in some foreign language and dragging their miserable, mutated child-spawn behind them in an effort to have “fun”. In search of $500/day worth of fun. The parents determined to get their money’s worth out of the park at all costs, even if it means running their kids into the ground. You could see the terror in these kid’s eyes as their overlords force them into submission-induced enjoyment. “You will have fun or die trying!!!”, they seem to be saying. I can’t be sure though because I’m not fluent in Klingon.
I know I’m not an expert or even close, but I swear some of these people weren’t speaking any known human language. Maybe they were religious people experiencing the “miracle of the mouse” for the first time and they were speaking in tongues? Maybe they were aliens that were sent here to learn the ways of our planet before launching an attack? Maybe, maybe not. In any case, it sounded like they were making it up as they went so Lizzy, Becca and I started to speak in babble talk to each other. We even started to talk to other people that way. Teresa was not amused.
As we stood in the lines I couldn’t help but think, “wouldn’t it be great if, at random, they handed people spear guns as we entered the park?” And you could use them on someone in line? That British couple complaining about the heat. The dirty kids behind you running into your butt for the 20th time. (You’d think they’d have gotten the hint when I stepped backward and stood on their toes until they cried) Maybe it’s that overweight slob dressed like Britney Spears. Maybe it’s the teenagers that insist on cutting in line and pretending that they are trying to catch up with their Mom in line….
You can shoot anyone you want, but you only get one shot. That would make it a little more interesting would it not? I mean, we’re standing here and behaving in line, acting like cattle being led to the slaughter, shouldn’t they offer us something interactive? Disney is supposed to be the leader in the entertainment industry isn’t it? Ohhh and then leave the harpooned victims where they fall as a warning to others…. Yeah!
We hit a few new rides.
“Mickey’s PhilharMagick” is pretty cool. Most of the 3-D movies in the parks are rather bland and predictable. This one was pretty cool. We normally skip the 3-Ds, I’m glad we went in to see this one.
The “Dinosaur” ride was rough and wild but still, it sucked. It was very much like the rides at Universal Studios. The girls insisted we go on it again. Ugh.
“Primeval Whirl”. I hate this ride. Not because of the ride, but because of me. I’m getting too old for this stuff. It started out cool. It’s a recreation of the old-time amusement park type of ride. Cheesy effects like hubcaps and painted over license plates for signs. Very cool. Made me feel like I was back home at Riverside Park in Massachusetts. It’s a small roller coaster and had all of us laughing and screaming in fun until… About half way through the ride, they trip a lever that lets the car free-spin. Imagine Space Mountain mixed with the Mad Tea Cups. Every sharp corner you hit gets the car spinning faster and you can’t control the spin. We had to ride this one 3 times… I’m getting sick just remembering it now.
Of course we had to hit the actual Mad Tea Cups because Daddy/Uncle Chris is the master of the spinning cups. I told the girls that it was the last time for me. I held their hands and told them I was passing on the ancient secrets of the Mad Tea Cups to them. Now they’re on their own. When did I get so old? I don’t like the dizzy feeling anymore.
Well, that’s not totally true. In EPCOT we hit Germany for lunch and did enjoy that dizzy feeling there. Later that day, we parked ourselves in Mexico around 6:00 and Teresa had her Margaritas until the laser/fireworks show at 9:00.
“Soarin” was cool. They put you in rows of chairs and lift you off the ground up to a huge screen. The premise is you are hang gliding through California. They pump in the cedar smells as you swoop through a forest, they spray mist on you as you swoop under the Golden Gate Bridge. It was cool but a little too real for Teresa. She doesn’t like the suspension feel. With nothing under her feet to brace herself, she felt like she was falling the whole time. Oops.
We happened to go the same week they had “Star Wars Weekend” at MGM. Morons running around in Jedi robes and Stormtrooper costumes in 90degree heat. And I’m not talking about the Disney employees, these were people coming through the gates. I told Teresa that if I get hit with a lightsaber one more time, I’m going to unleash the power of the Dark Side all over someone. We decided to wait to go to MGM until Monday when there were less morons, or at least less obvious morons.
When we were walking to the Stunt Show (very cool BTW) out popped Darth Vader, flanked by two Disney-uniformed people, right in front of us. Cool! Becca goes up to get her picture taken and before she can take the 3 steps to him, he was mobbed by 30-40 people. Becca got pushed to the side and never got the picture. The only people that got their pictures taken were those that pushed and screamed their way over top of everyone else. Fully grown adults trampling little kids to get their picture taken with a fictional character. Knocking other kids out of the way to get their kid to the front. Disgusting and rude. I guess the guy in the Vader suit felt the same way because after a few poses, he turned to walk away from the mob. A couple of kids were pulling on his cape. He jerked and turned around with his fist out. You could tell that the guy just wanted to knock this little bastard out. Man it must be great to be in the “bad guy” suit. You can threaten the bratty kids and it’s all part of the act. You’ll never see Mickey do that.
We hit most of the standards however we did miss the Living Seas. Bummer.
We got on the Aerosmith roller coaster and the Tower of Terror 8 or 9 times each. Tower was funny because Becca would freak out every time we got into line but demanded to go again even before the ride stopped moving at the end. Of course, as soon as we got back in the line she’d start freaking out again.
All in all we had a great time. In spite of all the problems inherent with Disney, (expensive, hot, long days, etc…) I really can’t stay away from that place. One of these days I’ll go and be able to spend the day as I want to. Just walking around and enjoying all the little side shows. The barbershop quartets on Main Street, the African drummers in EPCOT, stuff like that. I’d also love to spend the day just watching the people, all the while not caring if I actually get on a ride myself. Quite an expensive way to “people watch” but where else am I going to see foreign and domestic tourists paying through the nose and standing in excruciatingly long lines, just to get screwed by a mouse?
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