I went out to the beach this morning to watch the sunrise. I got there just before the sun broke on the horizon. The sky was lined in dark orange, pinks and purples. There were a few people out there and it was sooo cold. The winter solstice arrived at 7:42a and the sun was already well into the sky by then. It was beautiful.
I’ve been working hard at my job and even harder around the house. It seems that everything is a preparation for something else nowadays. I’ve lost track of why I get up every morning and go to work. I’m working too hard to enjoy the things I’m working for. I decided I needed a break just for a moment so I went out to see the sun.
I saw it and remembered that this was the same sun that came and went last year, the year I was born, the year my father was born and every year before and since. This was the same sun that rose over the construction site that became the great pyramids in Egypt, the same sun the ancients used to map out Stonehenge. Life is nothing if not consistent and I’m far too small to think that my daily routine will make or break anything in the big picture. I remembered that I had these same thoughts in the same place years ago and that I just needed to slow down to hear the calming voice of reason in my own head.
It was kind of weird but I almost felt like I was going to cry. I’ve been running full speed thinking that I was wasting my life because I haven’t accomplished anything significant yet and now I realize that I AM wasting my life BY running at full speed. I need to live at my own pace and remember that my accomplishments are in the smiles of my wife and daughter. I had forgotten that for a little while and we all need reminding from time to time. This will make the top 3 sunrises I remember.
I haven’t gone out to the beach for a sunrise in quite a long time. I used to do it when I was upset or feeling depressed. I’d sit in one of the lifeguard chairs and watch the sun come up and it would always cheer me up. Those stupid little pills have stolen away that simple little pleasure, I don’t feel (dangerously) depressed anymore.
I stayed until 8:00 and went into work. When I got back into the truck I pushed play on my iPod. I’ve got 6527 songs on it and I keep it on ‘random play’. The next song was Louis Armstrong, “What A Wonderful World”. I laughed out loud. For the last couple of weeks music has been popping up coincidental with the goings-on around me. Maybe it’s a sappy song but it’s how I was feeling at the time and I rarely take the time to recognize it.
If you were wondering about the other 2 sunrises in my top 3:
Number 2 was drumming up the sun at festival (Spring 1999?). We began drumming around the fire around 8:00p and there were 30 or so drummers and the same number of dancers. It was a cool night and turned COLD but we kept drumming. As the night turned into morning hours, the number of drummers/dancers dwindled. By 3:00a there were about 10 of us and only a handful of dancers. At dawn we were 3; 2 drummers and 1 dancer. I wanted to stop as soon as I saw the light but the other drummer (Man, do I wish I could remember WHO that was!!!) encouraged me to stick it out. We had to keep drumming until we saw the sun in the sky. My hands were raw, my bones were shattered and my knees were locked but I kept drumming. I knew the pain was there but I couldn’t feel it. That was one gorgeous sunrise!
Number 1 was May 23, 1992. The day I got married. Fred was staying with me at my apartment so we could get up and do everything we had to do that day. I couldn’t sleep (imagine that) and ended going out for a drive. Normally Fred would go with me but I went out after he fell asleep and I just wanted to be alone for a while. I ended up at the beach in one of those chairs and just sat there thinking and writing. Feeling all the anticipation, fear and doubt that is normal on such a day. As the sun came up I realized that when the sun went back down that night, I would be married and would have grow up a little. I was afraid we weren’t thinking this through. Why would she marry me!? I’m a goofy kid. I haven’t proved myself on ANY level yet. Did she know what she was getting into? Scary thoughts for anyone but when that sun hit my face I knew it was going to be alright. There’s a fresh start every 24 hours and if we don’t get it right the first time, we can start over the next day. I forget that most of the time now but at the time it made me realize that if she was willing to tough it out with me then I couldn’t do anything so bad that the sun wouldn’t come up the next day. I had seen the sun come up before but that was my first sunrise and I’ll remember it until I die.
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