Causes

I don’t belong to  a cause but I’m happy that some people believe in causes.  I like the idea that everyone can pick out what is important to them and root for change.  However, not every person I know has the same causes.  That would be boring.

I have no known causes.  I believe people can affect change, I find it nice that people take time to adopt causes, but I don’t see the practical side of most of them.  Becca and Teresa attend the Cancer runs every few months.  They help set up, hand out water and clean up when its over.  They are helping by supporting the runners who are raising the money for research.  Practical.  As a family, we donate money (when possible) to various charities and we volunteer our time in many different ways to many organizations.  Practical.

What I don’t get are these on-line cause-groups for strangers to commiserate and bitch about things.  I spend a fair amount of time on the social networking site “FaceBook” and I get at least two cause invitations per day.  I have never joined a single one of them.  I’m not the cause joining type.  Even the ones I believe in, I don’t understand what the on-line group is there to accomplish.  While I am opposed to breast cancer, or any form of cancer for that matter, what will my click of this button do to stop cancer?  Is it simply for awareness?  Who isn’t aware of cancer?  Maybe some remote tribe living in the desert or jungle, but I’m pretty sure anyone with a computer who can see your awareness campaign is also already aware of cancer.  And for that matter, who isn’t against cancer?  Are there really on-line groups that are pro-cancer?  If not, then wouldn’t it be fair to say that most people are uniformly against cancer and therefore, no group is necessary?  Signing up with these groups just seems to be a way of earning your “good deed” badge without actually putting in any real effort and saying, “Hey everyone, look at me, I care!”

So, being the bah-humbug type of guy and refusing to join any of your groups, I have started a list of form letter rejections I can send to my friends when they repeatedly ask me to join their cause:

• Clearly you miscalculated when you asked me to sign your, “Keep Christ in Christmas” petition.
• I don’t give a shit where they move the trial, as long as they fry the bad guys and free the good guys.
• But I like leather and fur.  They’re like a wrapper that keeps the tasty meat from going bad until I eat it.
• Global warming is not a myth, the myth is the idea that I give a shit about it.
• Strangers praying for tragedy victims is just silly for so many reasons.  But asking ME to pray  at all is even sillier.
• FaceBook will not do a damn thing if this group reaches 1 million people.  Other than laugh at you.
• No, the government is not going to take away your guns.  The last time they tried that was April 19th, 1775.  Didn’t go so well for them.
• I personally find strangers attending online memorials for dead children they never met kind of creepy.
• Even with proper training, Pit bulls can be dangerous animals.  So are ferrets.  And large birds.  And feral cats.  Maybe the answer is to license the pet owners, not the pets.  I will not sign up for banning the pit bulls and I will not sign up to stop the banning of the pit bulls.
• I’ll sign your “Allow the Bible (or Ten Commandments) in our courts (or schools)” campaign as long as you also agree to allow the Qur’an, The Epic of Gilgamesh, the Satanic Bible, the Book of Mormon, The Bhagavad Gita, Dianetics, Tao Te Ching, Havamal and The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster to sit alongside it.

And as long as I’m addressing the flood of FaceBook requests, what is up with the massive identity crisis everyone is having?  Every day I’m getting quizzes for, “Which Harry Potter character are you?”  Or South Park, Twilight, Seinfeld, Friends, Star Wars, Chakra Color, Video Game, breed of dog, brand of liquor, college football team…  Some of these are just plain stupid.  I actually got a quiz asking “what kind of way to smoke weed am I?”  This came from the same person that also sent me an invite to a group called, “I’m not ashamed to admit I love Jesus” just minutes after they sent me the cause invite for the group that wants to deport all people that can’t speak English…  Maybe they were smoking a little too much when they sent me any of these requests?