I should have listened to my mom and dad.
The other day Teresa wrote up a humorous letter to her brother about Becca’s woes as an intelligent child stuck with parents who never strived for anything beyond mediocrity. Because her mom and dad never excelled at anything, she’s stuck in a home where money is tight and therefore she is denied opportunities to break the cycle… I mean she really laid it on thick and it was really funny.
Until last night…
My work schedule had been all over the place this week. Remote sites, Midnights, 6pm-1am, noon-4pm… I haven’t been in the office during regular work hours since last week. So last night I log in to complete some paperwork and I start getting error messages. I try to access my time card and I get a “Your account has been locked out” message. I try to access my e-mail and I get an “Access Denied” message…
Most people would probably think there was a glitch in the system or a password error but not me. This is exactly the same way I found out I was laid off from WorldCom. I came home from vacation and couldn’t access any of my files. I called my boss and he told me he had some bad news for me. So when it happened again, I got that ice water feeling. I called my supervisor and got voice mail.
That’s when it hit me that I have no real skill. I can do a lot of things well, but none of them are bankable. I have nothing to offer the world other than an ability to learn new things and do them well. But what have I learned? Low voltage wiring? Communications testing? If I was going to start a business, how could I market myself? I can’t. No real skills. When the technology revolution comes, what can I do to earn my keep? I can’t fix a car, I can’t work on plumbing, I can’t build or create anything, I’m not even a passable musician. I am just getting by.
I finally got into the system at work. It was a glitch, I am not fired. But my panic attack made me realize that Teresa’s funny letter to Jerry was actually true. I have not planned for the future at all. I have no skill to fall back on. I have no worth beyond my chameleon-like ability to learn tasks and do them well. I am a drone and I am destined for failure.
November 19th, 2009 at 11:05 am
I don’t want to indulge you in a potential pity party, but you have two things that means you are NOT a drone, and you will not fail:
1. you learned how to learn. Meaning you can adapt to a new thing, if need be.
2. you actually analyze and adjust your situation periodically, meaning you don’t allow events to always drive you.
in other words, the second thing alerts you to the problem, the first allows you to repair or adapt to it. Sorry man you simply will never be a mindless drone that the universe drives with a whip… Taint gonna happen.
November 20th, 2009 at 2:44 am
Yeah. Should’ve gone the frat-boy Wall Street route. Bankable skills alright, by the hour.
(sarcasm off)
I don’t know you & Teresa or why I decided to check out this particular post. I only know what I’ve been told; the person who turned me on to this blog thinks very highly of you guys. I tend to believe him and it says a lot about you two.
That being said, I guess my comment mirrors Wade’s above. Isn’t your “chameleon-like ability to learn tasks and do them well” precisely the bankable skill that one would kill for if the bottom fell out?
And my opinion, which means exactly nothing… create & build what matters. Not something just for the sake of “security.”
Sorry for the guerrilla post…back into hiding now!
November 20th, 2009 at 9:55 pm
Dude, are you fucking kidding me!! I have three (3) fucking degrees that I spent 12 years of my life to get.
And what do I do….I FUCKING CLEAN TOILETS!!!!!
Are you hearing me?
Like anything else in life it’s not what you have, it’s what you do with it.
I was once a millionaire…a fucking miserable one!
Are you hearing me?
Sorry to be so blunt. I am dealing with death right now (not IN my house but right across the street) and self pity is just not acceptable.
Being adaptable is one of the best qualities a person can have, it insures survival!
I love you!!
November 22nd, 2009 at 12:03 pm
In defense of Chris’s moment of self pity – I have to say, I completely understand and want to give him a great big hug and say, I love you and I’m sorry. I’m sorry because what I wrote was absolutely hilarious in one way, but the sad sad truth in another way. We both fucked up in our youth and are now paying the price. No pity party for me, I know it, I accept it, and I’m trying to fix it. I originally sent out the letter to my brother at my father’s bidding – not only to see if he’d help me out in my desperation but also because he wanted to see if I could pour on the pity like he does (my dad’s a pro LOL) -It never worked for him but maybe I’d have a better chance of getting a response from my big brother (the rich guy of the family LOL) Anyway, After I wrote it and sent it to Jerry, I re-read it, found it absolutely hilarious and sent it to a handful of friends and family members – MY MISTAKE! LOL. I got mixed reviews – some said – Too funny, you are hilarious and let me know if he responds… Others said ,”You know it’s the truth right? You two fucked up and now Becca’s suffering”. Well, yeah, duh, know that! So, with all the financial stress, busy work schedules and school, it hit Chris at a bad moment. Have pity folks, we all know he’s awesome and amazing… he just doesn’t. Becca loves and adores him, he just doesn’t get it…
Anyway, I’m copying the famous letter below… I’m not a funny person, I have no writing ability, but some times, I just crack myself up!!
Hello, My name is Rebecca Morgan and I’m a straight A student – well almost.. I got one B in my Science class this quarter (missed an A by 2 points). I’m in 8th grade at James Weldon Johnson a Magnet School for the Academically Gifted and I’m taking 10th grade courses. Last year as a 7th grader I took my SAT’s and my I scored higher than 42% of the graduating Seniors tested in 2007. I am in the National Junior Honor Society and have been a Girl Scout for the past 7 years. I am currently a Cadette working on my Silver Award (highest honor as a Cadette) and plan to become a Senior girl scout next year. I am an assistant leader to a daisy girl scout troop with 16 Kindergarten/1st graders. I do volunteer work and lots of community service. So far this school year I have been invited to attend 4 local IB Schools and invited to join their AP/Honors team if I don’t make it into the IB program. I even got an invitation to go to a private school in NC. This opportunity will almost guaranty that I get into the college I want not as a freshman but as a SOPHOMORE, saving my parents 1 year in college tuition. I am very excited about this, and am proud of my achievements.
That being said….
Last Summer I had the opportunity to go to Europe with People to People. The cost was $6000 for a 17 day trip to visit and learn the cultures of Europe and to my deepest disappointment at the last moment, I was unable to come up with the final payment to attend this amazing event and had to cancel my reservation.
My parents, you see, did not excel in school. They did not push themselves as I am pushing myself to achieve my goals in life. My parents did not attend college and have settled for mediocre jobs that barely pay minimum wage causing me to miss out on so much that could help my education. My parents, in their youth, failed to think of the future as I am now thinking of mine. They partied and played around settling for barely passing grades just to “get by” and “get out” of school. Now, we’re living paycheck to paycheck, barely surviving this awful economy. I’m even wearing last years T-Shirts! Don’t get me wrong, I love my parents dearly but I’m working so hard to become a future leader of America and honestly… I need your help.
Our 8th grade class is going to DC in January for 5 days. The cost is $820 with a deposit of $200. The final payment of $620 is due by December 1st. We’re 23 days and counting to that final due date and it’s not looking good. I know I’ve already gone to DC with People to People and should be happy and content I had that opportunity but my class has a different itinerary. I’ll be able to check out so many memorable sites that I wasn’t able to see with People to People. My parents are working hard trying to find the money but it’s hopeless. We’ve eaten Kraft Mac & Cheese for 12 days straight. I’ve had every style of chicken you could imagine and going without Mountain Dew is KILLING ME! But we all have to make sacrifices…even if we do lose our electricity for a few days… Anyway, I wanted to know if you would be able to make a small (or large..very large) donation to my cause. This is a wonderful opportunity for me and will give me a greater understanding of our nations capital.
My wonderful grandfather in PA, who understands the situation being a widowed single parent barely surviving on his retirement checks has graciously offered to donate to the cause. I’m hoping you, being a wonderful , caring person, will find it in your heart to help me in my time of need.
I thank you for your time,
Love
Becca
(actually written by mom, imagining the thoughts in her poor disappointed daughter’s head)
November 22nd, 2009 at 8:10 pm
You don’t need to defend you’re hubby, Ma’am – He’s a smart, talented guy and we just need to remind him every now and then of that…..
November 23rd, 2009 at 11:32 am
Well, looks like I’ve set myself up here. Seems I got some splainin to do…
What I wrote was not meant to be a self deprecating pity party. It was simply an observation on what I’ve done and where I’m at. Not liking it doesn’t make it any less true. I’m at the realization that I’m telling my daughter she should show initiative and take the world into her hands, but I haven’t led by example. I lead a sedimentary life, taking everything as it comes to me rather than going out there and doing things on my own terms. I want better for her but how can she learn if she sees her parents sitting back and waiting for opportunity to fall into their lap? By the time I have identified the problem, my options are limited by the financial circumstances created by choices I made in the past. My only hope is that she’ll learn by seeing how much trouble we’re currently having and she won’t want to fall into the same pattern. I am capable, but I am lazy. My biggest fear is Becca turning out just like me. She works so hard and she’s more capable than I ever was, I don’t want her to end up approaching 40 and wondering where her life went. Or worse, not having a clue about where it’s going.
Thanks for all the words of encouragement, we all need them from time to time but I really wasn’t fishing for them (this time). I was just expressing some thoughts about my disappointment in my own failure to “get started”. All this was initiated by an immediate fear of being laid-off and clinging to an uncreative job, being grateful for the paycheck. Now that I’ve identified some of the problems, I’m making the necessary changes. But change is slow and I’ll likely bitch about it along the way…
Thanks for talking this one out with me. I love you all!
November 23rd, 2009 at 4:52 pm
Oh, I am SO very sorry if I spoke harshley..I was really yelling at myself for not using what I chose to learn (in detail) about. I DID apply myself, 4.0 GPA’s consistantly. See you hit a nerve in my own self.
What I was trying to say, and seemed to have failed, is that I, in no way see either you or Tree as unmotivated, uneducated, self-piting people at all.
I think you both rock as humans and parents, and I am sure Becca is very proud of you both. And with that said, just because the recession sucks and life is full of bills to pay, in now way should it make you feel like “horrible” parents just because she can’t go across the “pond” or to DC. When she is making her own way in the world, she can send herself across the “pond”.( said laughingly, and she can TAKE you..LOL) No where is it written that a parent MUST give their child all the excesses there is to offer. Even though we want to.
You love that child, you have done a fine job of raising a decent, intelligent, loving human, you give her all you can and then some….god knows we are just as guilty of “spoiling” our boy.
Also know, she is a “teenager” and they get attitudes and they sometimes need adjusted…don’t beat yourself up too much if she dosen’t make it to DC. There is always next year. And life will not end….LOL Though for her it may seem different…LOL
Love and miss you both, oh oh and Becca too!!!