Not feeling the canned response this morning and I’m not sure how safe it is to share where I’m at in my head. It seems everything I write these last few days looks like a suicide note. It’s gotten to the point where I’m afraid to go to sleep because if I die in my sleep and Teresa reads what I’ve written this week, she’ll think I was dumb enough to do myself in.
I’m fond of the idea of dying and I’m not afraid of death but not so comfortable with the idea that I want to hurry it along. Death is my friend but he will have to hang around for a while until I’m ready to go. So when I die young(ish), tell the coroner to ignore the obvious and look for a real cause, I’m not that easy to get rid of.
But I’ve been sitting here considering strength, weakness and wisdom… courage, fear and the varying degrees of happiness… Which is the factor that continually keeps me from pulling the trigger?
January 1st, 2010 at 11:12 pm
Man, what a catch-22….
If you were to write some happy, cheery crap and then died in your sleep She’d KNOW you did yourself in…. I feel for you, Man.
January 8th, 2010 at 12:40 pm
That’s easy….love.