There is something wrong with me.
More so than normal anyway…
I’ve lost the humor. I just don’t get it anymore. There is a haze and I can’t see the light, I can’t see the amusing side, there is no silver lining.
The normal me snapped and has gone on vacation and I can’t go with him. The ranting/amused side of me is taking a break and I’m left here to hold the shape while the body is empty. It’s hollow and scary in here.
It started with the little things. Those annoying commercials that I love to pick on, those degenerate newscasters that I love to correct, those insipid TV shows I love to make fun of… The passion is gone, I’m no longer having fun I’m only getting disillusioned.
The people in traffic that don’t follow the accepted rules of driving? They are no longer a source of anger for me. I’m not getting pissed off at them. Instead of getting angry, my brain is running the possibilities and logistics of running them off the road and using only my fingernails to slowly peel the skin from their skull as their children watch and scream from the back seat.
The only joy I’ve felt in the past two weeks came from a DOS prompt. You don’t get to type “Format C:” very often, it felt good. I need to get out of here. I need to get my head straight before “Format Chris:” sounds like a good idea…
I’m enduring the pain and waiting for the payoff. I keep thinking that if I can hold out for a little while longer, the punchline will make it all worth while. But I’m beginning to see that the stage is empty and everyone went home. There is no payoff coming and this whole thing has meant nothing.
This is a very dangerous time to be in my head.
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