Orchestral movements with a fox…
We went to the Jacksonville Symphony Orchestra this weekend. It was “family night” and on top of that it was “Girl Scout” night and they were putting on a program that included “Green Eggs and Ham”. We got there early and the girls got to play with some of the instruments and attend a class on sound waves and another on practicing your instrument. The place was full of hundreds of loud young girls. Most of them were decently behaved. You always see some kids acting up but for the most part I thought it was cute. But after watching the crowd closely, I noticed that it’s hard to blame the kids when the parents are not showing the kids how to behave.
Hey 40 year old woman, the guy on the stage is talking to the girls, not you. He (and I really mean WE) are not interested in which instrument you played as a kid or how good you were. Most of us picked up on that cue from the fact that he’s talking to the girls using simple words and talking about schoolwork. Also, it was listed in the pamphlet as a class for the young girls, you’re simply a chaperon. This is not about you.
Another thing, how about not letting your kid play on the railing and lean way over the front of the upper balcony. Ya know what? Never mind on this one. Go ahead and let them, it will help dump a little chlorine in the collective gene pool.
But the worst part came when the performance started. It’s a “family night” show so I’m not going to get upset about people applauding between movements. I’m not going to get upset about etiquette. But I think I AM allowed to get upset about a woman talking on the phone during the performance. Actually, I think I’m allowed to confiscate her phone and dump her over the railing aren’t I? Either dump her over the rail or detach her vocal cords using a fondue prong and then fill her ears with molten lead. If she can’t speak or hear, she can’t use her phone and can no longer ruin “Finlandia” for the rest of us…
I mostly ignored that fact that this would be the only time I sat in attendance at the symphony next to people who felt comfortable enough to remove their shoes. I also tried to ignore the people opening their bags of chips and candy wrappers. One kid in the front balcony dropped her program on the stage. Several others followed her lead and at least two of them hit the pianist.
This is why I rarely go to see movies in the theater. I hate the general public.
But it was not all bad. They played my second favorite Stravinsky piece. They also had a guy come out on stage and narrate a “go green” story while the orchestra played several pieces from “William Tell”. Although I don’t know what attempted rape, jealousy, government defiance, marksmanship and denied revenge have to do with the environmentalist movement but hey, hundreds of little girls started made “horsey” movements in their chairs at the end so, why not?
Not being a “regular” performance (if it were I’m sure the phone lady, barefoot people, snack-eating cretins, flash camera operators and the program-dropping idiots would have been asked to leave…) they dumbed down some of the show by making football references and something about Tim Tebrow. Infer what you will from that statement. I’m not saying that people who enjoy football can’t listen to classical music and I’m not saying that people who enjoy classical music can’t watch football, but I’m guessing that the interaction between these two groups have a comparitivly small ellipse on a Venn diagram. As evidence I submit the hoots and hollers heard at the mention of the Florida Gators. One does not ordinarily hoot and holler at the symphony… I dare say it would be inappropriate to hear, “Our next piece will be Paganini’s 24th Caprice in A minor”. “Whoooooohoooo!!! Woowoowoowoo, Niccolo in da houze!!!” Inappropriate at best…
The final piece was “Green Eggs and Ham”. The symphony played what was essentially background music while two women on stage used interpretive dance and falsetto opera voices to play out the Dr. Seuss classic. They had placards of each of the ways Sam I Am wanted the narrator to eat the green eggs and ham. Here, there, box, fox, tree, car, train, dark… The repetition of the story was played out with different styles of singing and dancing. They really looked like they were having fun. There was a little girl that stuck her head directly over my shoulder and was singing along in my ear. Teresa was hesitant to look over at me. She knew I was already unhappy with all the acts of disrespect I had cataloged up to that point and she was relieved to see I had a giant grin on my face. I even looked up at the kid and started singing along once. Whoever she was, she was having a great time.
And that’s what I thought was great about “family night” performances. Kids singing along or making horsey movements is acceptable and even encouraged there. What I found to be unacceptable, what I counted as disrespectful, were the parents talking on their phones, anyone throwing things on the stage… I just couldn’t stand to see people treat their kids like they were a pain in the ass to deal with and treat the symphony hall like it was a fucking outdoor rock concert.
Becca and most of the other girls in the troop were (as always) perfectly behaved and seemed to enjoy the day. Teresa and her co-leader had to deal with two of the girls acting up a little bit but they are the ones who are ALWAYS acting up so there was nothing different. I thought it was a little bit funny that as these two girls arrived they both had their Nintendo DS open before their feet hit the pavement. When Teresa said “Give them to me”, she actually had to wrestle it out of one girl’s hands. I don’t have to patience she does. I have no idea how she deals with this on a regular basis without getting arrested. I would have smacked the shit out of that girl. That’s why I’m not a leader. That’s why it’s not a good idea to let me be in charge of other people’s kids. Becca is decently behaved because she knows if she fucks up, she might get smacked. I don’t have the strength Teresa has to find other ways to fix problems. The frustration would kill me faster than it’s killing her. She’s on a slow burn, I would have flamed out long ago…
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