Your vampires sparkle, my vampires still have a bit of dirt under their nails.
Your zombies are athletic sprinters, my zombies are slow and lumbering.
It’s probably just an age thing. I prefer my vampires to be named things like Count Orlock and crawl into a grave at dawn. You prefer your vampires to be Calvin Klein models and have fancy bachelor pads. Okay, we can agree to disagree. I’m even beginning to come around to your version of zombies. I will always prefer my zombies to be more Romero in styling but I’ve got to agree that, political statements aside, sprinting zombies make better movies.
What brought on the sudden change of heart? Why am I no longer dead set against changes in my movie monster stereotypes? I decided I had to stop poking fun at the Twilight vampires when I saw the last few minutes of an old John Hughes movie on television the other day.
Edward Cullen is nothing more than the vampiric incarnation of Jake Ryan from Sixteen Candles! That’s why no one has seen him since 1984, he’s become a vampire and is now coming out to be the Jr. High crush of the daughters of all the same girls he infected years ago!
Google it if you don’t believe me. They are identical except for the 80′s style clothing. The dark, handsome, brooding character played by a wooden actor… (does Anakin Skywalker fit in here too?) Anyway, he traded in leaning up against the Porsche for leaning against his Volvo. John Hughes created a monster and we have renamed him Edward…
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