Candy and racism

It has recently come to my attention that I have not told you the M&M story.

Unfortunately I have lost the original e-mails but what follows is the most faithful retelling I can remember:

The saga of Reverend Willie B. Morgan and the M&M Mars Company

It was a while back in the late 1990′s or early 2000′s when they started the animated anthropomorphic M&Ms campaign.  At the time, there were three of us at work that were really active on a local news web-forum.  Whenever the local “big name” preacher made the news we’d go over to the board and shoot fish in the barrel.  We got to the point where we competed amongst ourselves for “most believable outrageous post” on the forum boards.
Some of us were sitting in our cube farm at work one day and got into a discussion about the M&M personalities.  I think it was mostly about how they were really pouring on the sex appeal with the Green M&M…  They just brought in the Orange M&M and I started to wonder why every color M&M was represented but the brown ones.

This was too good for a local forum board.  I wrote an e-mail to the M&M Mars Company claiming to be a Rev. Willie B. Morgan of the Third Street Baptist Church.

I expressed concern about the exclusion the African-American community felt when enjoying their fine candies.  I went on and on about the absence of the negro M&Ms in the animated mascot realm.  I remember working on the letter to get it just right.  Not too long but more than just a simple paragraph.  Not too comedic but not an obvious joke.  It was finely-polished, hand-crafted, grade-A bullshit.

And they responded to me.

They thanked me for my letter and my interest in the M&M mascots.  They appreciated my concern but assured me there was no such thing as race in the candy universe.

I wrote back.  I asked them, if there was no racism, how come 29% of the candy is brown (2 out of 7 colors.  I hadn’t realized they discontinued the Tan color at this point) but as yet there has not been a single brown M&M on screen?

They replied again, very much the same response.

I tried once more.  I knew they were either on to me or sick of me.  So at this point I remember writing some outlandish shit, but can’t honestly remember all of what actually got sent.  I remember thinking this would at least make the mail room guy smile…

I claimed to know Jessie Jackson and together with him, the power of my congregation and the sweeping might of the Lord, we would MAKE them give the black community our Brown M&M.
At one point in the letter I started making concessions.  I asked if they would consider giving the light-skinned M&Ms their spokesman and we can leave the darker Brown M&Ms alone for now.  Maybe America wasn’t ready for the Brown M&Ms but maybe we can work together to bring about change by introducing the light-skinned Tan M&M.  Somehow there was something about the Tan M&M’s being “house slaves” and the darker M&M’s being field hands.
The list goes on and on.  I got carried away on this third letter because I knew it was a dead end.

As expected, I did not get a third response…

I know this was ten years ago and I was only making a joke but really, think about that.  They have an animated mascot and corresponding plush doll merchandise for every color M&M except brown.  Still to this day! You can claim there is no race among the M&Ms but if that’s true, why the obvious absence of only one color?  BROWN!  There is race in the M&Ms and it is the conspicuous absence of the Brown M&M that serves as proof.  If they were to introduce a new Brown M&M character, how would he speak?  What would he wear?  He’d have to be the “whitest” M&M of them all.  The Carlton Banks of the M&M world.  Because if he slipped up and made one utterance of anything resembling the African-American stereotypes, the real Reverend Willie B. Morgans of the world would climb all over the M&M Mars Company.  We’ve come a long way from the exploitation of race to sell products but now we’re bending over backward to make sure there is no chance of perceived exploitation.  It’s 2010, where the hell is my Brown M&M?!

It’s simple.  They refuse to introduce a Brown M&M character because they are afraid of the black community’s expected backlash and THAT, is racism.

If I’m missing any of the great details or if you don’t believe a word of what I’m saying hopefully the two of you who were around then will comment here and back me up…