Coming home

I usually fly to Pennsylvania on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving.  Since I’ve been working and basically living out of town, I’m flying IN to Jacksonville rather than OUT.  And I was smart enough to make the reservations for Tuesday and not Wednesday so I didn’t have to deal with the massive crowds.

I’d classify yesterday as “Good-Bad-Good”.

I got to the airport early, like I always try to do.  I stood in line to check my bags.  When I finally got up there the lady behind the counter told me that if I already had my pass (like I did) that I could have used the kiosks and didn’t have to wait in line.  I told her that information would have been critical tomorrow!  And now I know for next time.  The line wasn’t that long so I really didn’t miss out on much.

She has trouble with the machine.  I wait.  She has more trouble with the machine.  I wait.  She has trouble with the printer.  I wait.  She prints it out on another machine.  I wait.  It was the wrong one, she has to print it again.  I wait…

Fourteen minutes.  People that were in line behind me have come and gone, boarded their flights and gotten home already!  But I wait.  And I smile.  I was in a good mood.  I was on my way home to see Teresa and Becca.  I saw no reason to get upset.  But fourteen minutes is a loooong time at the ticket counter!

So she finally gets both tags printed and I lean across the counter and I ask her, “I’ve seen this on TV and I think I’m doing it wrong.  Aren’t I supposed to be angry and yelling at you because I’m going to miss my flight?”

She giggles for a full minute on that one.  We had a short conversation about how people treat fellow human beings just because of which side of the counter they’re on.  That television show about the airline people is nuts.  I wouldn’t last long in a customer service position.  I’d be arrested.

I sit in the terminal and I play on the computer.  I’ve got an hour before they board but I’ve got my laptop and a large coffee.  I was happy.  You know, with all the flights I’ve taken in to Jacksonville, shouldn’t I have seen at least ONE person I recognize?

So that was the first “good” portion of the trip.  Now the “bad”.

We’re taking off and the flight attendant tells me I have to take off my iPod.  I thought we’ve been through all of this.  iPods don’t transmit.  iPods don’t cause a threat to the plane.  The airline industry got hip to that fact a little late but they don’t make you turn off your iPods anymore.  This lady is insisting.  I turn it off and I sit there.  I play by the rules and I sit there… for a few seconds.  I turn it back on and ignore the power mad bitch.

We get airborne and the plane is making all kinds of moves through the air.  Most planes will bank and climb slowly.  The asshole in the pilot seat just watched “Top Gun” or something and is trying to impress the co-pilot by making the plane pop a wheelie.  We serpentine across the country and about two thirds of the way down, we enter the weather front.  There is turbulence and mixed with Maverick’s flying style, the plane is all over the place.

The seat belt sign goes on and we get the announcement that we need to put our trays away and sit up.  We also need to stow any personal possessions we have taken out as it will be a bumpy ride.  At this point the flight attendant the peanut-chucking sky whore, points to my headphones and keeps lurching down the aisle to interfere with other passenger’s lives.  I’m lucky she kept moving, if she had seen me give her the finger she might have caused a scene and I would have gotten in trouble for listening to Jim Morrison sing about “the end of laughter and soft lies” as we bounced through the friendly skies rather than listen to the screams and sharp intakes of air of all those around me.

This concludes the “bad” part of the trip.  The rest is the second “good” portion, even though it won’t sound it at first.

You know that weightless feeling you get when the airplane you’re in goes into a steep 400mph vertical dive?  NO YOU DON’T!!!  Only NASA astronauts, jet fighter pilots and the people on my flight have ever felt that.  I have been on some seriously bumpy flights and through some pretty heinous weather.  I have always known that we’re not moving as much as it feels like we are and that we’re pretty safe.  Not this time.  I had about twenty seconds where I honestly though we were going down.  Planes that are in control just don’t move like that!!!  I wasn’t alone because the rest of the people were screaming and I swear I smelled piss.  The guy next to me even grabbed my wrist.  I let him, no reason not to let him feel better but I still don’t understand why he was holding on to me, what the hell was I supposed to do?  But I sat there and I smiled.

Strange isn’t it?  I’m on my way to the ground at 400 miles an hour and I’m smiling.  When I heard the engines change pitch, felt the nose drop and I had that initial feeling of impending death, you know what happened?

I was free.  My immediate thoughts were, “Hmmm…shit.  Well, she knows I love her.”  That was all.  No frantic prayers, no life flashing before my eyes.  I smiled.  I sat there and I thought about Teresa, Becca and my family and friends.  The people that I love, the people that love me.  I never wasted a single thought on begging an invisible god to fix the plane.  Lots of other people prayed.  Loudly too!  I guess god couldn’t hear them over the screaming and the crying?  Maybe that’s what kept the plane in the air and I was just lucky to be on a plane they saved with their prayers?

I have had my fears in life.  One of them is watching many people find Jesus in their old age (or prison) and I have always wondered if I would succumb to that trend.  When I get old and I’m on my death bed, will I have a moment of weakness?  Will I turn to religion to absorb all the unknowns in the universe?  I hated the idea that it could happen.  Well fear no longer.  I know what my final thoughts will be (if I get to have them).  I won’t be concerned with making up for last minute sins, I won’t be worshiping someone who never did a thing for me.  My final thoughts will be about the woman I love, the daughter I adore and my family and friends.

Trust me, you people deserve my final thoughts a lot more than a vengeful god who made the plane crash in the first place!!!

We land and the passengers applaud the pilot just for doing his job.  I thought that was a bit sappy but I smile because I’m not bothered by anything anymore.  I don’t know how long that will last but I’ve been reminded that I have some time left in life and I should enjoy it.  Maybe smile more.  (I figure this will last for another ten to twelve hours.  Most of which I’ll spend sleeping so, you missed it…)

Teresa and Becca are waiting at the gate for me and I haven’t seen anything that perfect in a long time.  Life really is good.  Even when it’s bad, you can still get something out of it.

So, I’ll go now and leave you with a perfect phrase that played through my head all last night.  It lends itself not only to the hellish plane ride but to my entire life so far, “What a fucking ride!!!”