A reunion to what end?

I think my 20th High School reunion is this weekend.  I could look it up but it would take more effort than I feel it is worth.  Seriously, it’s like three clicks away, I wouldn’t have to move the mouse very far, and I still just couldn’t be bothered.  Instead, I’ll spend a half hour writing this all out…

When the original invitations came I thought about it for close to two minutes.  And then I promptly stashed the idea away in my brain’s recycle bin.  I didn’t see the point.  The class reunions I see in movies are possibly the best depiction of a “personal Hell” that I can imagine.  We went to Teresa’s 10 year reunion (same school, one year ahead of me) and it was exactly what I expected from the movies although there were less hitmen, porn-stars, zombies and violence.  Bad music, bad food, everyone’s just a fatter version of who they were in school.  I don’t see the appeal.

Then a few of you found out I wasn’t going.

You told me I’d regret it.  You said that it was a once in a lifetime opportunity and even if it sucked, why take the chance on missing out on it?  (Your Occam’s razor failed to convince me your religion was worth taking a chance on, why would I fall for it about this?)  I asked around, asked who really goes to these things?  And that’s when I got a few people that said they agreed with me.  I also got someone telling me that I have to go simply to hang out with them.  This became the only reason I considered it, even though I never spent a lot of time with this person back in school.  I’ve talked to her on-line recently and she seems pretty cool.  So I left it open and promised I’d think about it but I really didn’t think I’d end up going.  Aside from her there were a couple of other recent FaceBook re-connects that I wouldn’t mind saying hello to… but isn’t that what we did on FaceBook?

As the registration deadline approached I had to make a choice.  I gave it some honest thought and came up with, “Why the FUCK would I go to this thing?!”

It’s just doesn’t make any sense to me.  I’m not one of those people that looks back on high school as one of the best times of their lives.  It wasn’t bad but nothing worth a reunion.  I reminisce and get nostalgic sometimes but I can’t imagine setting aside a weekend and getting dressed up to do so.  (Yes, there is a dress code!)  If high school is where your life peaked, maybe a reunion is for you.  Not me baby.  I’m nothing like I was back then and hopefully few of them are either.

I try to imagine the conversations I might have and I draw a blank.  I still have nothing in common with people that I had nothing in common with twenty years ago!  I could sit through a couple hours of people telling me about their kids and jobs.  That’s expected social behavior and I could deal with that but you KNOW that’s not where people leave the conversations.  Now they have to tell me all about their AWESOME 1000″ television or their 0-60 in 1.1sec car or their yacht or their exotic motorcycle…  Seriously, most people don’t understand the art of conversation anymore.  If I’m interested, I’ll hold up my half of the conversation.  Otherwise, move on to a topic other than what a shallow douchebag you are.  I painstakingly weeded these kinds of people out of my personal life, why would I want to do it with strangers that happened to go to the same high school as I did?

I try to count more than four or five people I’m interested in seeing and I can’t…  It was at the point that I thought, “If X, Y and Z were coming, I’d go to the reunion” that I realized it’s just another night of branching off into cliques.  Every table will have conversations custom suited to the faulty/enhanced memories of the people who knew each other twenty years ago.  Other than the obligatory wandering “Hi, Eric Stratton, fancy so-and-so.  Damn glad to meet you”, what are the odds of anyone walking around the tables and meeting new people at something like this?  You go to see the people you knew back then.  The people I knew back then that I’d be interested in spending an evening with fall into three categories; 1: I stay in contact with them through FaceBook.  2: I still see them in real life or 3: They live far away (Puerto Rico) so they fall into the FaceBook category…

I worked at an office building in downtown Jacksonville for a few years.  If they had a 20 year reunion the tables would be filled with people from the same offices.  People from the 2nd floor wouldn’t mingle with people from the 15th floor and so on.  People would look at you like you were fucking NUTS for organizing a 20th reunion for an office building wouldn’t they?  So why are high school reunions different?

Of course there’s the Peter Griffin way to go to a reunion.  Dressed up in a space suit with a cowboy hat and a huge bling necklace.  “I’m a rich astronaut cowboy” bullshit.  Well, I’m not much for trying to impress people.  I’m not much for lying about myself (maybe TO myself but rarely about myself…)  So this is my rap to anyone who approaches me at a reunion:
“I’m approaching 40, I’m fatter than any human being should be, I’m not a rock star like I had hoped and I’m not even trying to be cool anymore.  My kid is fricking amazing but I’m not going to brag about her achievements as if they are my own.  I’m married to an incredible woman who treats me better than I have any right to hope for.  We’re happy in who we are and I couldn’t possibly care less what you think of me.  So what have you been up to?”

The organizing committee just sent out two more events for the reunion weekend.  A golf trip and a beach trip.  Yeah, that’s me isn’t it?  I haven’t golfed in ten years and I hate the beach when the sun is up.  If you’re a successful businessman who loves to golf…  If you remember high school as the happiest days of your life… then go forth and have fun.  Otherwise, why?

I finally RSVPd “no” to all three.  That was the easy part.  The hard part was when I had to admit to my FaceBook friend that I wasn’t going.  She responded that she wasn’t either.  Cool, no sense in it.  Maybe instead we’ll pick and choose who we want to say hello to instead of pretending to be interested or impressed with total strangers who occupied the same building for three years.