Too much money

I have been running around with Dale all weekend and he’s looking for a new winter jacket.  He’s single and makes a lot of money.  That means we have been spending a lot of time in REI and Cabella’s to start with and a few high end stores as well.  The man is NOT a Wal*Mart shopper…

So I’m walking around pretending to be interested but there’s nothing there I want to buy.  Lots of cool stuff but most of it is too high-tech/high-dollar for me.  I was looking for a skull cap to keep my hair from freezing up here but I couldn’t find one for less than $40.  I can get what I want at a K-Mart for $7 right?  Although I couldn’t find one there either because they all had company logos all over them.  All I want is a simple black knit ski hat!  I don’t want AMP or FORD or Batman all over my fucking head.  I am NOT a corporate billboard!!!!!

Dale finds what he’s looking for and walks over to me.  I am turning red and laughing hysterically.  He worries something is wrong.

I was walking around and when I saw a display I did a double take and walked back to the aisle to make sure I didn’t see what I thought I just saw.  It was a rack of what looked like ski poles but the sign said “Trekking Poles”.  Sure enough, I walk over and the display talked all about how a walk in the woods was easier with one of these poles.  Shock absorbers, foam handles for comfort, aluminum alloy…  $150 for a walking stick!  What ever happened to picking out a branch off the ground?  Now these people have “gear” for taking a walk?

If I’m out in the woods I might grab a stick, when I leave I put it back.  If it breaks I grab another one.  If I lose it, I grab another one.  If I have a favorite one I might keep it but if I leave the house without it, I pick one up off the ground.  Funny thing about the woods, there are trees all around you.

I go for a walk in the woods I put on some jeans and a heavy jacket.  I pick up a stick, I might break out my knife and knock off a few knobs off the stick.  Ready to walk…  When I come home I might be a little cold so I’ll put my (probably wet) boots by the fire and I’ll sit down with some cocoa.  Total cost: Almost free!

When these people go for a walk in the woods they have to put on their $175 special undergarment that keeps the blood circulation regular.  Don’t forget the $15 socks.  $275 Gor-Tex boots to keep their little feetsies dry.  $350 wind resistant jacket and $75 gloves.  $40 hat and the all important $150 trekking pole.  By the time these people gear up I’m not in the mood to go for a walk anymore.  Of course the money doesn’t stop there.  They’ve got to have their little GPS and their cell phone and their Bluetooth earpiece…

The worst part of the story, Dale didn’t understand why I was laughing so hard.  He’s got two of them at home.

Why does every single pleasure in life have to come with special gear?  What ever happened to taking a walk in the woods?