It’s Monday, once again I’ve run the 380 mile Hell-trek. I am tired, I am cranky, here comes the bile…
I’ve got a few friends that are into auto racing. I’m not even a little bit interested in watching a redneck drive 500 miles in a circle. But, I have an alternative solution. If the Daytona 500 was the drive from the Florida/Georgia border all the way to Key West… I’d watch that. You don’t close the roads and you don’t announce the race. Just pick a date and gather the drivers. First one to the Keys wins. If Nascar was more like the Cannonball Run, I’d sit and watch that. Especially if every car had to have a fat sidekick riding with them.
I can’t take a podcast show serious when they tout themselves as some kind of movie experts and then they refer to “The Odd Couple” movie as based on the television show. These are the same people that, when the new “Get Smart” movie was coming out, they asked, “Is that related to ‘Get Shorty’?” I think I can unsubscribe to that podcast now…
“The Breed” has got to be one of the worst movies I have seen in years. All of the reviews I read on it say things like, “Wes Craven has done it again!” and they mean that in a GOOD way. I can’t find any trace of sarcasm in their reviews. Am I the only person on the planet that thought this movie was formulaic and droll?
We all know carbonated drinks have regional names. In some areas it is known as a soda, others as pop and in some places, all cola is simply known as a coke. But there are regional flavors as well. You won’t find Fanta strawberry in an upscale neighborhood. Back home you can find birch beer or cherry soda flavors and they are difficult if not impossible to find down here. Cheerwine was available only in North Carolina a few years ago but now I found it in a few other places. Here in Miami it is a challenge to find a beer that doesn’t have lime in it. Everything is piss-water beer with lime. I ordered a Guinness and the guy looked at me like I just walked out of a spacecraft. He had it in the cooler though so it can’t be all that unusual. If you’re going to drink beer at all, why not taste it? Why drink yellow alcoholic water?
PT Cruisers and HHRs are intolerable cars. It seems to be the only models available at the Jacksonville airport and I’ve been stuck with alternating versions of this POS car just about every week since December. The door lock is exactly where I need to put my arm on the door. It sticks me EVERY damn time! 1000 miles a week and I’m uncomfortable every inch of the way. Another issue is that the window controls are just below the stereo in what pretends to serve as a center console. Every time I go to roll the window down I reach for the door where it SHOULD be. I hate these cars!
There is a cop in front of me and he’s doing 67mph in the left lane. The speed limit is 70. No one is passing him (including me!). What is his point? Why is he here? Can’t I somehow wink him from existence? When this elephant race finally clears I still have the last 100 miles of South Florida to look forward to. It’s like being on a parade float. You drive real slow and the people sitting on the side of the road can walk faster than you are driving. Law enforcement officers are not exempt from the GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY rule. If you are unable, unwilling or incapable of driving your car without getting in the way of people that aren’t afraid of their cars, then you need to stay in the right-hand lane. Cops, ambulances, military convoys, postal workers… NO EXCEPTIONS! If I’m going faster than you, I should be on your left. If I’m going faster that you and I am stuck behind you, you should be in a ditch, on fire, with a steering column through your chest.
Can anyone (roughly) my age listen to the Mighty Mouse cartoon theme song and NOT see Andy Kaufman singing it?
I am really getting tired of people being allergic to shit. When did we become so damn weak and helpless as a species? I know and love some people that have food allergies. These are NOT the people I am talking about. They have food issues, they deal with them the best they can and cook for themselves. I’m angry at the people that insist that the fact that they swim at the shallow end of the gene pool has somehow become something I need to deal with. Can you imagine working in a restaurant and having some bitch come in, “My kid can’t eat eggs, peanuts, beef, wheat, milk, beans, fish, soy or anything with red food coloring in it. What do you suggest we eat?”
My suggestion is for you to have your kid put to sleep. If you eat anything may I suggest eating a bullet. Kill your kid and then kill yourselves so you can no longer breed and contaminate our species.
I know I come across as harsh but not only are we becoming diseased, remnants of the human form but we are starting to think we are entitled to inconvenience everyone around us with our problems. If you are so fucked up that an ice cream Sunday kicks your ass, don’t leave the house. Ever! People like this died back before the days of therapy and understanding and empathy. Somehow their genes got passed on and are now thriving in our world of modern technology. I’ll bet refugees in 3rd world nations don’t have food allergies.
Thomas Jefferson lied to you, not all men are created equal. Do a line-up in a room. Imagine ten people you know in that line. Equal? I think not. The idea is that we should strive to TREAT people as equal but the fact is; I am very different from you through nature as well as nurture. We are not born identical and the choices we make in life make us all the more varied. Biases creep in through ignorance or from learned behavior. You burn your hand on a stove six or seven times in a row, you’ll start thinking of ALL stoves as hot. But unlike stoves, we don’t come from an assembly line. Some of us are born with food allergies and others are not. That does not mean that I have to make sure all the food in my restaurant has to be safe for you to eat.
Wow, I really went all over the place there didn’t I? It’s a good thing I decided not to go into a rant about eugenics. I’d still be typing.
Teresa’s laptop is making the slow march toward death. We got online to look at what she’ll need as a replacement. You can’t get XP anymore. Vista is the only option. And Microsoft is very good about making sure that Vista doesn’t come with MSOffice. And MSOffice doesn’t come with Outlook. So we have to buy a crappy OS and buy the productivity suite on top of that. But the standard productivity suite isn’t good enough, we need to buy the Premier suite in order to get what we need. Fuck Microsoft! But there are two good things that have come from this.
First; Teresa has FINALLY agreed to let me to load better programs on her new computer. Firefox/Thunderbird/Open Office etc. She has refused to try any new programs because she was comfortable with the old ones. She’s still using IE as a web browser for fuck sake! She is not one to embrace change.
Secondly and more importantly: when we walked through the Apple store this weekend (Jerry Sr. finally got an iPod) I did a little dream shopping. After dealing with today’s computer debacle, we decided that as long as the house sells at the current price and we don’t have any unexpected costs at closing, I’m going Apple sooner rather than later. Now that the day is close at hand, I have a LOT of research and learning to do. I WILL make the switch, I just need to find out all the gritty details that used to be coming “some day”.
Ok, I’m out of crap to bitch about. Unless something drastic happens overnight or the workload is extremely heavy, I will post an update tomorrow. I almost have it all written up now but I still need to tweak a few things. Besides, I wouldn’t want to spoil you and give you two updates in one day…
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