So, I had my first fitting today for my straight jacket. It should be ready within the next day or two and by then I believe I will not only be ready for it but willing too. The week sucked and the weekend is getting suckier. I woke up early this morning to get ready for our Girl Scout field trip. I had emailed the moms early in the week to remind them to get to the school for car-pool no later than 10:30 as we needed to head out to Gainesville for our 12pm activity. Twenty parents and not one of them realized my screw up, except one, at 8:21 this morning when she called to ask why I changed the time from 9am to 10:30am. Would we have enough time to get there? UGH! Couldn’t she have said something sooner? So, we get to the school and I start booting out the girls to head on down to the field trip as they came in. As soon as a chaperone showed up, I’d fill up their car and they’d head out, hoping they’d get there in time to say – we’re running late. The last girl shows at 10:29 and we fly down to Gainesville, getting there at 12:06. Oh well, at least we weren’t the last troop right? So we spend the next 4 hours outside in the blazing sun watching our girls make rockets and craters and the solar system and so on. The girls are more interested in the swings than learning of our universe. Oh well, at least they are out and active right? I got a ton of pictures and the girls had a blast. We left at 4 and they put me… ME in charge of getting us back home. DUH how stupid are they right? Well, we got lost in Gainesville and never found 301 until oh say, 5? Then of course we had to find a McDonalds because the girls were STARVING to death. Another 50 minutes eating freaking fast food and we’re back on the road. The girls were supposed to have been home by 6 HA! I dropped my last girl off at 7:30 and all I had to show for it was the side of my car covered in gum (someone thought it’d be smart to toss their gum out of a moving vehicle and it stuck on the paint) and a wet ass because some moron of a leader allowed the girls to have Mcflurries in her car. One of the girls thought the driver side seat needed some M&M milkshake and spilled it all over my seat. Oh I just love my life. UGH! I am so ready for a melt down. I’m on that edge and it won’t take much more for me to tumble over. So, I get home, eat some real food and climb wearily up the stairs to my big comfy bed. I’m exhausted, drained mentally and physically and so ready to just curl up in a ball and cry my eyes out. Life sucks, my heart aches, my body is weary and I want my mommy! The phone rings, Lord you would figure with a two story house and the only phone with a ringer is down stairs on the kitchen counter that you wouldn’t hear it upstairs with Chris playing his music in the loft, Becca playing music in her room and the dogs showing off for me in my bedroom, but the phone rang loud and clear and I thought to ignore it but decided I’d better check to see if it was my dad. It wasn’t. It was a wonderful person that I haven’t been able to talk to, see or hear from in AGES! My rant about lost ones….Well, one came back to me! <GRIN>.
I picked up the phone and spent the next hour, or two, or was it three talking, bitching, laughing, cracking up and…..relaxing. The tears in my throat melted away, the pain in my heart receded and I was able to just forget and sit back and enjoy for just a little bit. THANK YOU LENA!
Tomorrow is a new day and though I fear the day will only bring me more and more disappointment, hurt and crushing heartbreak, I know I can stand up tall and stand up for what’s right. It’s a wonderful and scary feeling standing up for myself and others. Especially when the urge to run, scurry away and crawl back in my hole to hide and protect myself is so strong it makes me crazy. To close my eyes and just pray the past week, the past month will just disappear and everything will be alright is pushing me back into hiding. I want to go back to the “I see nothing, I hear nothing, I SAY nothing”. But, I won’t because in the end I’ll only disappoint myself more than any other.
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