And really, why should I want to change my cynical and pessimistic ways? When all my previous faults are held against me and I have no room for error, what chance do I have of instigating change within myself? Or more truthfully, why should I try if no one will grant me room for improvement? If I’m trying to be a better person, who am I trying to change for? The noble answer is to make change for the sake of being a better person but I’m not very good at being noble. My struggle to be “nicer” is not for myself, I’m content and happy being a hateful sonofabitch. I want to change because of how I interact with the people I care about. But when these same people refuse to acknowledge the steps I have made, the challenges I have overcome, the effort I have put in… When these people hold up my every past fault as evidence that I have always been this way and will never change… Why should I continue to make the effort?
I am continually set up for failure. Because I’ve always been disagreeable, the case against me is won the second I disagree. Because I was once dangerously unstable, all my future stumbles will be counted as the onset of another episode. Some stigmas linger well beyond their causes. Look at me. If I were still as disagreeable and unstable as I once was, would I make the attempt to right the boat? I have adopted new ways and methods. Where I used to retreat and withdraw, I have exposed myself and confronted my pain. I have showed through repeated trials that this is not a phase, this is not some new game that I will tire of. This is not some new hustle where I have learned how to manipulate the game in my favor. Over the years I have repeatedly demonstrated that yes, I am changed. And yet, still I am counted as damaged.
I stole a few things when I was a kid, do you guard your wallet when I enter the room?
I cheated at a game of Monopoly when I was nine, will I forever play the part of the crook?
Because I’ve lied in the past, is anything I’ve ever said the truth?
I can not blame anyone for this but myself. People that have been hurt by me again and again have learned that I am not to be trusted. I have trampled on your feelings one too many times and I understand your reluctance to allow me the chance to do it once more. Friends, family, loved ones, common associates… few of the people I mingle with are stupid. They are a group of good and intelligent people and it seems that they have learned to distrust me for good reason.
When the dog bites you the second time, you put him down.
I see people post song lyrics (without credit) in their blogs and other on-line portals and I always tried to figure out what was going on in their head. Some people are posting them as a kind of trivia game, asking others to name the quote… Others just really like the thought behind the lyric and post it as an expression of how they are feeling. The ones who used to bother me were the ones that listed out the entire song and never post the reason behind it. When asked, they say this song changed their life, or worse, that this song saved their life… What is going on in their head?
I love music, always have. But the power of music to save lives was always dubious to me. Every time I hear people claim a song saved their life I lump them in with those kids who kill themselves and the parents blame a band/song. The person was already unhinged, it didn’t take much to put them over the edge one way or the other. If that song saved your life, so could a rainbow or butterfly occurring at the right moment. If you killed yourself because of a song, you were already at that point, another red light in traffic could have put you over the edge…
I take inspiration from lyrics and I have actually changed some of my thoughts and ideas when I heard certain lyrics. Music has the ability to shape lives but until this afternoon, I never understood just how critical the right song at the right time can be.
A long continuous run on a bumpy road and an accumulation of ugly days on my head had just about proved to be too much. I went for a drive and while deliberating aloud to the empty car, I reached the point of decision and was listing hard to port… And then the randomness of the iPod gave me a song I hadn’t really heard in years. It’s in my playlist and I occasionally listen to it, but I rarely hear it… The lyrics are just what I needed to hear at that moment in time. I gave it some thought and changed my mind. I calmed down, resolved to make a few changes, returned home and began typing this up. I’ll live to deliberate another day. One day the scales will tip in the other direction but for now, something as superficial as a song was enough to weigh in and make me stick around.
And for the record, those of you who don’t understand the necessity of me purging the dark ink onto the paper as it were; when I decide it is time to check out, you won’t see a dramatic exit script. I would just simply take care of business. Two or three people will be sad for a few days, eventually the website would go away wiping out all my words, all memory of my existence would wash away with the tide. No angsty poems begging for intervention, no poorly written goodbye monologues, I’d just go. So as long as I’m writing, I’m alive. Every angry post eases the pain, every ridiculous scream is nothing but an attempt to make it through one more day…
Another commercial that bothered the hell out of me; the “Green Police”. Go fuck yourself! I’m normally a good guy who is reasonably observant of the new social rules. I’m the one in the house that insists we separate the recyclables from the trash and I’m the one who gets upset when I see a pop bottle in the trash instead of the blue bin. I’m the one who reprimanded my father-in-law for throwing trash out of the car window. But that commercial with the militant hippies arresting everyone who’s not as green as they are just pissed me off to no fucking end! In fact, this morning I went into the break room and had another cup of coffee JUST so I could use a styrofoam cup. And I have it with me here on my desk as I intend to throw it out the window on the way home in protest of the new green regime. These fucking green police hippies just TRY to come to my house and scold me for using incandescent bulbs. Just you fucking try! I’ll pollute your body with 9mm of lead poisoning! I’m over-reacting (as usual) but I honestly think that commercial set the whole “environmental friendly” movement more than a few steps back. With a blend of “holier than thou” and a “we’re coming for you” message, apparently, “green” is the new “Nazi”!
As long as I’m back on the SuperBowl ads, I have to agree with a friend of mine, Tim Burton must have a blood pact with Satan. The lord of lies made Johnny Depp a big star and in return Tim Burton keeps all the Hot Topic stores stocked full of merchandise. The new Alice in Wonderland looks blah and I expect more standard Tim Burton/Johnny Depp gothiness. It could turn out to be good but the trailer did not impress me. It was like I was being fed another Burton/Depp/Carter formula that tastes just like the last formula. Who cares anymore? I generally like the movies they do, but I’m tired of the same old Tim Burton branded shit. Alice in Wonderland, Corpse Bride, Sweeney Todd, Charlie/Chocolate Factory, Edward Scissorhands… It’s all the same. Create spooky backstory, insert Johnny Depp acting weird, drop in Helena Bonham Carter acting badly, collect millions of dollars…
By the way, I found a quarter on the floor in my den this morning so the bounty on will.i.am is up to $3.37
Crap I learned during my home-bound incarceration and forced viewing of the Consumer Bowl.
Beer should not sound like a breakfast cereal. I’m not a big beer drinker and I know the ingredients include wheat, barley and hops but somehow “Bud Light Golden Wheat” sounds disgusting. Even if I were in the mood for a beer, I can’t imagine ever wanting to drink something that sounds like it should come with a glass of orange juice and a sliced banana.
Fat white guys in their underwear are suddenly “in”. I’m in that demographic and I am disgusted. Two different commercials featuring fat dudes in tighty whiteys. I think I’m going to puke up my Bud Golden Wheaties.
I fucking hate stupid little catch phrases. I’m sick of seeing it, I’m sick of hearing it, I’m tired of the people that insist on using it. We all used the popular catch phrases in our youth. Some of them hang around or even come back into fashion. I really don’t have any problem with people choosing how they represent themselves when they speak, I actually applaud it. Create your own counter-culture, good for you. And I’m not suggesting they run around asking “Of whom do you speak?” But the next fucker that screams “Who dat?” in my ear is getting stabbed in the fucking eye with a #2 pencil. Team catch phrases are not my arena so who am I to judge? But somehow this one makes me think old vaudeville shows and black-face makeup. I don’t care how innocent it may be, to me, seeing a white football fan scream “Who dat?” is tantamount to me singing each and every lyric when I listen to NWA in public. Sure I absolutely don’t mean any offense, but if some guy hears me singing “nigga this…” and “nigga that…” and he pulls me from my car and sets me on fire, I’ll understand why…
According to the ad, French girls are cheap and easy and I can use Google to help me get laid in Paris. The ad was nothing but a series of searches. “How to impress French girls”, “Where to buy chocolate”, “Hotels in Paris”, “Wedding chapels in Paris”, “How to build a crib”… Some people took away a nice romantic story about falling in love, I imagined a tawdry tale that started out much like Sade’s “Justine” and ended like a Georgia trailer park shotgun wedding with a six month pregnant Parisian bride…
Covering iconic rock songs is wrong, but forgivable. Your version (or “remix”) of an iconic song sounding almost identical to the original is stupid and wrong but forgivable. Changing the lyrics to any iconic song is wrong and while not exactly forgivable, it doesn’t warrant the death sentence. However, changing the lyrics of “My Generation” from “I hope I die before I get old” to “Don’t wanna die young I wanna get old” is punishable by tortures only imagined in the darkest pits of the neither-regions. FUCK this bothered me ALL NIGHT!!! This song was raw, it was legendary, it was a middle finger in the face of the squares! And you have besmirched it with your lyrics of mediocrity. You must suffer. You must atone for your sin against rock and roll. I hereby initiate a bounty on William Adams from the Black Eye’d Peas. (No disintegrations) Attention world; I have $3.12 on me right now, bring be the head of will.i.am frozen in carbonite! Okay, maybe a bit too harsh… Bring him to me alive and we’ll lock him in a room and play his own music at him until he pees his pants and promises never to do it again. (Once again the voice of reason in my head sounds like Rollins…)
While we’re on the subject, Roger, dude, you’re 65 years old. Once you qualify for social security it’s time to stop rallying against the man. Maybe you should have followed Keith’s lead and maybe you should have died before you got old… Actually, The Two did better than I thought they would. He can’t hit the same notes he made famous over forty years ago and he looks like someone’s grandmother on her way to a game of bridge. Pete was overacting and looked like he was desperate to be “cool” again. But they could have sounded worse. Actually Roger Daltry HAS sounded worse recently so, not as bad as it could have been. The sound tech should be fired for making it obvious that he got a LOT of help on the scream at the end of Won’t Get Fooled Again. We all knew it was coming, after hearing what shape his voice was in we all knew there was no way he was going to hit that scream alone but it didn’t need to sound so obvious. Kind of like kicking an old man, live, in front of millions of viewers… fuckhead! You sucker punched him. That man has rocked more than you ever will and that band helped create every rock and roll cliche you’ll ever see. Respect your elders!
Also, the CSI franchise has ruined one of my favorite classic bands. I can’t hear any Who song anymore without thinking about sexy forensic analysts doing DNA tests (without hairnets or gloves) in twenty minutes or less.
But can we get someone relevant to play a halftime show? This coming from a guy who hates modern pop music and loves bands like The Who… But this is a nationwide event and you’re trying to attract as many people as you can, why not get a band that has put out new material in the last ten years to play the biggest gig in television advertising? Is it because the people attending the actual game are old people? I just don’t understand how Paul McCartney, Bruce Springsteen and The Who are considered for gigs like this when none of them have put out anything resembling music in recent history? Hey shit, I’d rather watch The Who or even Prince but honestly, They aren’t relevant. Let some modern music stars play the gig, dinosaurs went extinct a while back, bring out the new blood. I’d better be careful what I ask for. If they’re playing The Who and Paul McCartney, they might think the new bands are Kansas, Asia and The Eagles…
GoDaddy.com just can’t make a good commercial. They play around for ten seconds, a woman threatens to tear off her shirt and then it freezes and goes to the text ad which says go to their website to see more and then adds a line about “Warning: web content is uncensored”. I thought they sold domain registrations and shit, when the fuck did they get into the porn business? Respect level dropping. Not because of the porn aspect, I love porn. But because they could have done a better job on the commercial and more to the point, I think it’s a stupid ad and a cheap shot. Lame.
How did the Colts lose? Each of them has a lucky horseshoe on their helmet. Two of them actually! This led to Becca and I debating who would win in a race, a horse with four lucky horseshoes or a rabbit with four lucky rabbit’s feet? I won because I said the rabbit has a leprechaun jockey making him twice as lucky as the horse…
The chicken wings were good, so were the K-rab sandwiches. The shrimp were perfect. Sitting with Becca and Teresa while making fun about everything we saw on television was just what I needed. We laughed at the stupid commercials, told the local news lady to fuck off when she wants us to take a temper test with her tomorrow. We “awwwed” at the Clydesdale commercials (as usual) and Teresa’s team of choice won the game. It was a good night.
But seriously guys, $3.12, it’s all I’ve got but you can claim this mighty prize as well as my undying affection if you can make will.i.am publicly admit he was wrong for fucking around with an anthem. I get it, he wanted to change the lyric to represent his new generation… go write your own fucking song then! Mister rapper/songwriter… If you’re so damn good, go write something that still resonates with people 45 years after its release!
FUCK! I can tell this one is going to bother me for a long time… I’m going to bed.