On the long drive in to work I had some ideas. I was feeling better and I had an optimistic idea that today would turn out to be just a little better than the days before. The general idea would be that I was going to come in, write a chipper/happy blog post and kick-start myself back to normal…
But then that feeling slipped away. Part of it was the motorcycle accident I saw, part of it was the overzealous rent-a-cop at the security gate, but most of it was my morning login and check out of Facebook. Ugh, why do I still go there? The world is full of… … Well… I see a lot of ignorance and glittering generalities on Facebook and I just want to scream!
I just don’t understand how burying your head in the sand and recirculating the same form letter is something to be proud of. And I’ll never understand why this is something to be so loudly celebrated. And they’ll never understand that I don’t need to hear it, I don’t want you involving me in it, stop posting it to my wall, stop telling every three minutes!
So I give up on today, I thought I might try to pull out of it but no, today’s not the day for that. There are some certifications I need to renew and a couple of “last minute” circuits that are about to be dropped on me so I’ve got a full load here at work. So, not today. And tomorrow ain’t looking so good either.
Really, I don’t know what I’m so upset about… I’ve known for a long, long time now that anything online will eventually do this to me. Facebook has turned into copypasta /b/ without the porn. What am I surprised about?
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Was it Thumper or Flower that said, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothin at all”? I can’t even be bothered to look it up right now but I’m pretty sure it was Thumper. If so, I’ll stay with the “rabbit hole” title but if it turns out to be Flower, I’ll have to think up something else…
Here is your update as requested (and THANK YOU for that, it’s always nice to know someone’s watching. Seriously, it keeps me going!)
The last few weeks have taken a lot out of me for some reason. I’m just not in a “smile” place right now. I’m faking it pretty good, the mask is on and unless you get real close, you can’t tell what’s going on behind it. My thoughts have been infected and I can’t allow them to spread. To avoid posting some outrageous filth, I’ve simply been quiet. I’m still here, I’m just feeling rather venomous.
To prove the point I would drop a sample of what I’ve been writing all week but no one needs to read such hatred, despair and a rather lengthy rant trying together the national budget, religion, political correctness, eugenics and the Care Bears. Spoiler: in the context of the rant, I come out in favor of state-sponsored death-squads. Not quite Nazi Germany, not quite Logan’s Run, but I do get very angry and mean-spirited…
I have had nothing constructive or even remotely “nice” to say in weeks.
Through all of this I have kept an eye on reality. I can still see the real world but I’m just not feeling up to going public with what’s in my head right now because I don’t want to hurt anyone. That’s how you know I haven’t gone “away” too far yet, I still care enough to keep my mouth shut.
I’ll be back to my fat, jolly self again soon enough. Could be a day, a week or an hour… I never know when the light switch is going to get turned back on…
I drove by a church bus this weekend. On the back there was a hand-painted sign that said,
“Caution! God’s children on board”
Well, what does that mean? What do I do with this information that you’ve just given me?
Am I supposed to drive real careful because these kids are special? They’re somehow “God’s kids”? Why does He think these kids are so special? What did they do, win a Bible trivia contest or something? And if they are so special, wouldn’t they require less caution if God had designated them as “His”? Wouldn’t the need for a sign imply that God isn’t protecting them from some kind of accident any more than anyone else’s kids?
I’m just a mortal and I’ll protect any kid that needs it. But MY kid gets the most protection. That’s just how the system works. Parents should always look out for the neighbor’s kids but their own children get special attention. Of course, there is a lengthy book chronicling what happened to God’s last known kid… Not exactly “Parent of the year” material there Jehovah. So maybe the sign should read, “Help us! God’s children on board and you remember what happened to the last one…”
Or are they some kind of mutants that God imbued with super-powers that I have to be careful around? A bus filled with the brood of Angel-raped-virgin offspring and they are secretly perfecting their powers to take over the world. Jesus got the immortality/resurrection cheat code just like Wolverine. I’m guessing there’s a Rogue, Storm, Juggernaut and a Magneto on board? That means there’s also a kid with laser sight on that bus and you need to be “cautious” because he might accidentally cut your car in half. Okay, probably NOT what the sign meant…
But in the eyes of the believers, isn’t EVERYONE God’s children? And if so, why would these ten or twenty warrant special caution? What about me, according to what I learned in Sunday School, wouldn’t I be included in the group of “God’s children”? So who’s being cautious around me? And if everyone is God’s Children, wouldn’t being cautious around anyone be a 24/7 thing? So you wouldn’t really need a sign then would you?
The sign was useless.
It served about as much purpose as those old yellow “Baby on board” signs. Hey yuppie prick, fuck you and your infant! I’ll obey the traffic laws and try to avoid hitting you, but if it comes down to a head on collision or sideswiping your Volvo; you, your little precious cargo and your fucking ridiculous yellow sign are going into the wall. (And I secretly hope it explodes afterward.) Reality doesn’t change just because you posted a stupid sign.
Fucking people and their need to feel special. Special comes from who you are and what you do with it. Special is not bestowed upon you by simply making a claim, you have to go out there and earn it.
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