The Carlin effect

If I started my own drinking game where

• I do a shot every time I see the same “inspirational” quotes posted by two friends on the same day
• I do a shot when I see different authors given credit for the same quote
• I do a double shot when both authors are wrong and neither friend correctly attributes the quote

I’d be very, very drunk by now…

On the long drive in to work I had some ideas.  I was feeling better and I had an optimistic idea that today would turn out to be just a little better than the days before.  The general idea would be that I was going to come in, write a chipper/happy blog post and kick-start myself back to normal…

But then that feeling slipped away.  Part of it was the motorcycle accident I saw, part of it was the overzealous rent-a-cop at the security gate, but most of it was my morning login and check out of Facebook.  Ugh, why do I still go there?  The world is full of…  …  Well… I see a lot of ignorance and glittering generalities on Facebook and I just want to scream!

I just don’t understand how burying your head in the sand and recirculating the same form letter is something to be proud of.  And I’ll never understand why this is something to be so loudly celebrated.  And they’ll never understand that I don’t need to hear it, I don’t want you involving me in it, stop posting it to my wall, stop telling every three minutes!

So I give up on today, I thought I might try to pull out of it but no, today’s not the day for that.  There are some certifications I need to renew and a couple of “last minute” circuits that are about to be dropped on me so I’ve got a full load here at work.  So, not today.  And tomorrow ain’t looking so good either.

Really, I don’t know what I’m so upset about…  I’ve known for a long, long time now that anything online will eventually do this to me.  Facebook has turned into copypasta /b/ without the porn.  What am I surprised about?

Was it Thumper or Flower that said, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothin at all”? I can’t even be bothered to look it up right now but I’m pretty sure it was Thumper. If so, I’ll stay with the “rabbit hole” title but if it turns out to be Flower, I’ll have to think up something else…

Here is your update as requested (and THANK YOU for that, it’s always nice to know someone’s watching.  Seriously, it keeps me going!)

The last few weeks have taken a lot out of me for some reason. I’m just not in a “smile” place right now. I’m faking it pretty good, the mask is on and unless you get real close, you can’t tell what’s going on behind it. My thoughts have been infected and I can’t allow them to spread.  To avoid posting some outrageous filth, I’ve simply been quiet. I’m still here, I’m just feeling rather venomous.

To prove the point I would drop a sample of what I’ve been writing all week but no one needs to read such hatred, despair and a rather lengthy rant trying together the national budget, religion, political correctness, eugenics and the Care Bears. Spoiler: in the context of the rant, I come out in favor of state-sponsored death-squads. Not quite Nazi Germany, not quite Logan’s Run, but I do get very angry and mean-spirited…

I have had nothing constructive or even remotely “nice” to say in weeks.

Through all of this I have kept an eye on reality. I can still see the real world but I’m just not feeling up to going public with what’s in my head right now because I don’t want to hurt anyone. That’s how you know I haven’t gone “away” too far yet, I still care enough to keep my mouth shut.

I’ll be back to my fat, jolly self again soon enough.  Could be a day, a week or an hour…  I never know when the light switch is going to get turned back on…