SHAMrock doc

Television broke my heart again…  well, what did I expect?

I honestly don’t watch much TV so this may be old news to the rest of you but I just saw a commercial that lifted me up on hope and then threw me down to the ground again.

The scene is a hospital emergency room.  We see lots of cut-scenes of a bad accident victim being transferred from the EMTs to the ER.  The voice-over is a woman saying something similar to, “I am a nurse.  I am a woman of learning and I believe in medicine.”  One of the cut-scenes show the patient’s keys falling out of his pocket, his keyring is a four-leaf clover.  The voice-over nurse goes on about how modern science has come so far and how she is part of that, “I believe in science.”

I am so fricking giddy at this point that I’m actually smiling!

And then they kick me square in the taint with a spiked boot…

Last-scene, the nurse enters the quiet room, puts the four-leaf clover in the comatose patient’s hand and the voice-over says, “and I also believe in stacking the deck.”

What kind of superstitious bullshit is this!!!?!  Why would they do this?  What is the point of the commercial if we’re going to say, “hey, all that cool shit we discovered, designed and developed?  All those doctors and nurses that have studied and sacrificed just so they could learn how to make a better world?  All that sciency stuff that saves lives every single fucking day!?  Yeah, forget all of that shit, just make a wish on a star, rub your four-leaf clover and pray to Vishnu.”  And honestly, we all know they wanted to film the scene with a crucifix, the clover was a stand-in double to avoid any religious flack…

What horseshit!  Hey, if I’m ever in the hospital and a nurse wants to pray for me, light a candle, give me a good luck charm or any other superstitious nonsense that does NO recorded good whatsoever (in any CONTROLLED study and in fact, there has been cause to show that it may have the OPPOSITE effect, “Intercessory prayer itself had no effect on complication-free recovery from coronary artery bypass graft, but the certainty of receiving intercessory prayer was associated with a higher incidence of complications.”)
If the person saving my life will feel better about themselves by holding a lucky rabbit’s foot, I won’t stop them.  But to actually encourage this kind of medieval thinking among the modern medical community?  I’m frightened.  I was hoping we were evolving away from the witch-doctor bullshit of superstition and religion.  I was hoping that if any place were more prone to see how ridiculous it was, it would be the doctors and nurses of the world… I guess I was wrong.

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And yes, I am aware that a “shamrock” only has three leaves and that a four-leaf clover is not a shamrock but I couldn’t pass up the headline with “sham” in it…

This one came recommended as something twisted that I would like.  It’s about a group of British Muslims that want to become Al Qaeda agents but keep failing.  I was told, “think of it like a blooper-reel from the lighter side of terrorism.”

…

I was speechless…

But… that’s just the kind of twisted, fucked-up thing I like to watch.  I don’t get caught up in flaming patriotism, I can normally see through rhetoric and understand the opposing side’s POV.  So after a few months of sitting in the queue, I finally sat down to watch it.

I watched the first thirty or forty minutes of it.  It just wasn’t any good.  I didn’t hate it, I wasn’t enraged by it, I just didn’t care for it.  It really was the “Three Stooges of terrorism”.  There were two scenes that really did me in.

Firing the RPG backward and blowing up your own encampment was too silly.  I barely got through that scene.  But the scene that finally turned me off was where there is a multi-faith panel and the white, hot-headed Muslim of the group is causing a scene by intentionally finding offence in every word uttered by the other panelists.  A young Muslim kid in the audience stands up and agrees.  He pulls back his jacket to reveal he is strapped with explosives.  After a short speech he pulls the trigger and they are just party-poppers and silly-string.  When the crowd (who BARELY reacted to a suicide bomber two feet away from them) settled down, the kid makes his point, “Just because I look like a Muslim, you all thought it was a real bomb!”

I watched another ten minutes or so but that was really the point at which I stopped paying attention.

Supposedly there is an underlying theme that involves one of the bumbling terrorist’s young kid learning right from wrong or something but I never made it that far.

It seemed that the movie was made just because the theme was provocative and edgy.  I couldn’t find any substance in the first half of the film and I have no interest in watching the second half…

Unfortunately, this is the kind of movie that could have been interesting, may have been offensive, probably would have been fun.  But it doesn’t carry any weight.  The only reason I’m even writing this one up is the recent news here in Jacksonville where a neighborhood full of rednecks are voting to oppose the building of a new mosque.  The head redneck is actually on camera bitching about how it has nothing to do with it being a Muslim mosque, he just wants to save the neighborhood from the heavy traffic flows and the comings and goings of another religious service.

He’s bitching about the entrance to the mosque being directly across the street from his house… and thankfully, the news camera crew had the good sense to frame the shot from the angle that shows a Christian church NEXT DOOR to his house!  Muslim service is on Fridays, Christians are on Sundays, where are the major traffic jams this fucktard is anticipating?

He actually utters the phrase, “I’m not prejudiced but…”  I half expected to hear, “Some of my best friends are Muslim…”  Rednecks.  They’re everywhere…

Had a rough week.  Most days spent at the house attempting to sleep after working midnights.  It seems every time I left the damn house this week something happened.  I wanted to stay put and sleep but those pre-school kids are beyond my range of patience and compassion.  I still don’t know how Teresa does it.  She’ll whine and complain about them but at the end of the day, she loves her job…  I wish we could all say that!

Sunday we went out to see the fourth “Pirates of the Caribbean” movie.  I’m not going to do a full review of it but in a strange way, it was good.  I’m registering feelings between, “That was a load of bollocks” and “I had fun”.  There was no emotional attachment to any character, the main thread kept jumping from party to party so you could never get comfortable with the actors but somehow, I liked it and I don’t know why.  I think I’m just prone to liking the franchise.  I won’t sit through number three any time soon but I won’t go so far as to say I hated it.
I’m telling you, I’m under some kind of spell…  Number four was “ehh”.  It would have been a great “Walt Disney Presents” type of Friday night TV movie.  They could produce those movies every year and put them on TV and I’d watch every one of them.  But I don’t see a need for these movies to continue on the big screen…  There were several scenes (you’ll especially know one of them when you see it) where it made me think back to the opening credits and I swear I remember seeing Steven Spielberg’s name.  No skinny aliens though…

After the movie we went out to lunch/breakfast at Cracker Barrel.  This was the Sunday after the failed rapture so I was wearing my “Jesus did it for the chicks” with a big thumbs-up smiling crucified Jesus t-shirt.  (I’ve mostly stopped wearing those things out in public but this was a special occasion)  We were seated by a large party of young kids.  My back was to them but about halfway through the meal Teresa and Becca kept looking over at them.  The guy sitting in the middle of them was a preacher and was going on and on and on…  Half the kids were texting on their phones, the other half were sleeping.  Not in a “paying attention head-bob” kind of way, one kid was sprawled out in his chair like he had just been shot.
When we finished, I went to pay the bill and the preacher was the only one in line as I came around the corner.  He’s talking loud and asking something about candy and then he says, “Hold on a minute”.  He takes the three or four steps toward me, puts his hand on my shoulder and says, “Excuse me brother…”  [PAUSE]

I was giddy with excitement.  It has been a long time since someone engaged me in religious conversation, this guy obviously loves to hear himself speak, I can’t WAIT for this!!!

[RESUME] and he walks past me to get some candy off the shelves.  He never said a word to me, I paid my bill and walked out…  You ever see a car with four flat tires?  That’s how I felt.  All my hot air was let out and I didn’t get to have any fun.  A complete stranger put his hand on my shoulder and I let it go because I was hoping this was going to be a good conversation and it turned out he was just a creepy touchy guy…  AHHH!!

At some point this week we also ended up at Cici’s Pizza for dinner.  We know better,  We say the same thing every time we go.  But we always end up going back for a cheap variety of pizza.  The place is filled with the craziest fucking people I’ve ever had the pleasure to watch.  Seriously, this is the place Terrence Howard’s character from “Hustle and Flow” takes his girls to eat.  A long time ago I used to people-watch in the airport or at the beach.  Cici’s Pizza on Dunn Avenue has them beat, but come armed.

We also went to Best Buy to get the lamp attachment for Teresa’s Kindle.  As we were walking around Becca pulled out her phone and sighed.  She keeps getting sales calls on her cell.  We’ve put it on the “Do not call” list several times but somehow her number keeps getting put through.  So I told her to answer it.

“No thank you, I’m not interested.“  Such a polite girl…
“You know this is a cell phone right?“  A bit of her mother coming out in her…
“But I’m only fourteen.“  Dude was seriously trying to sell a home security system to a 14-year-old with lines like “Well, if you’re that young then we really need to keep you safe”…

I put out my hand, she gives me the phone.

“Hello, this is her father, who is this?

“Oh hi sir, this is Chris with Safetouch Security calling how are you doing?”

“I’m doing just fine, how are you?”

“Just settling in after a long weekend.  I hadn’t planned on coming back in this week what with the rapture and all, haha.  So let me ask you…”

“Are you making fun of me?”

“Sir?”

“You think it’s funny to call people’s cell phones and poke fun at them because of their religious beliefs?”

“Well no, I was just…”

Off mic but still audible, “This non-believer thinks judgement day is silly, what company did he say he was with?” back on mic, “What company are you with, Startouch? Star something…”

He actually answers!  “I’m with Safetouch Security sir and I’d like to…”

“Safetouch huh, well I guess I’ve got a few phone calls to make then don’t I?”  [CLICK], hand the phone back to Becca.

I don’t think she’ll get any more calls from them…

Maybe it’s the sleep deprivation, maybe it’s the wine, or maybe it’s just a normal Wednesday… either way, I’ll be short:

What the fuck is with the sudden call to prayer for the residents of Joplin, Missouri?  Seriously, why?

Either:

A: You don’t believe in an omnipotent god, so the prayers are meaningless.  You might as well be petitioning a potato.

or

B: You believe in a god with all-encompassing power who decided to devastate an entire town as if it were Sodom or Gomorrah all over again.

Seriously, you’re either praying to a non-existent god, or you’re praying to a god that has the ability to manipulate the weather, listens to prayers, but decided to squash a town all the same…  What kind of sick, sadistic tyrant are you people spending your Sundays on?

Don’t give me any mealy-mouthed excuses about “Job” or testing of faith…  That’s horseshit and you know it.

Pray for Joplin… yeah right.  Ask god to help out.  You’d be better off praying that Joplin turn its back on religion in its entirety.  Where was god when his storm hit?  He’s all-powerful but can’t be bothered to help out or take the blame on death and disease.  Fuck him.  That’s right, fuck capital H Him!  And if he’s got any power at all, may he kill me in my sleep tonight.  Come on, I’m morbidly obese, I’ve got apnea and I’m more than a little drunk.  I’ve given him a hell of a head start.  If he can’t kill me tonight, he’s a pussy…

Okay, yeah, I’ll blame the wine.  I’ve got four half-written posts typed up but I wait until I’m going on six hours sleep for the entire week and two bottles of wine deep before I decide to write something up from scratch?  Fuckit, I’m going to bed.