Can’t breathe… can’t breathe..
Run! Run! Escape! Gotta get away, gotta get out of here!
Can’t handle anymore, can’t take anymore!
Going to explode!!
HELP!!
Okay, so a little dramatic I guess but.. Geesh! Can someone give me a freaking break here? My schedule is getting a little out of control with the end of the school year looming. But, that’s a good thing; that means I’m almost done! Can I make it? I don’t know.
This past weekend Becca asked me what’s wrong and all I could say was, “I’m tired, just tired.” I told her I didn’t think I could make it until June. Everything was getting to me and I was going to explode if things didn’t ease. Becca’s response? “Mom, I don’t think you’re going to make it until tomorrow.” I just wanted to cry. We were heading to another cookie booth, after I got phone calls all morning and emails all morning about issues I needed to solve. It was a freaking weekend and I didn’t have 10 seconds to stand in a corner and hide my head UGH! At least this is the last week of cookie sales.. that will cut down on a lot of the stress.
The day care is going well. I’m having some issues but if I start typing about that… I’ll never stop typing.. I’m sure I’ll work them out soon -if I can just get a back bone. I love my little monsters, they are just awesome.
Becca is doing great in school. We’ve got a couple of classes to keep an eye on this semester but, otherwise, we’re drama free on the school front.
Home? Well, it’s an absolute disaster area, I’m thinking I’ll need to call HAZMAT soon. Spring cleaning? HA! I need to combine Fall and Winter with my Spring – I never got around to doing those cleanings.
Girl Scouts – well lets see. I had my Team meeting on Monday and as usual out of the 12 people on the team, only 3 of us showed. I miss one meeting and get a written slap via email (through out the entire SUM) they miss meetings and it’s just a big sigh and “what can you do?” UGH. They tried to quilt me into staying on as Coach – we have no one in our cluster that is experienced enough to take my spot. Sorry guys, can’t do it. THEN they had the nerve to ask me if I’d be willing to help CO-chair recruitment next year – what’s the job? Calling the schools, scheduling a spot at Open House, calling the leaders and setting them up as recruiters. UH, HELL NO! I just smiled and shook my head no. I’m NOT doing that.. AND they’ll be really shocked when they find out I won’t be one of the leaders that signs up for a booth. I’m so over it. After my Daisy meeting Tuesday and my Cadette meeting last night, I’m even SERIOUSLY thinking of quitting it all. The parents in my daisy’s and the girls & parents in my Cadette – NO RESPECT for me or my co-leader and I’m SO freaking over it.
I’m hosting a Daisy sleep over this weekend. Ten little girls will come over Friday until Saturday afternoon, 3 of my Cadettes have planned out activities to entertain the girls. It should be a blast. EXCEPT, we’ve got a dark cloud over the event because Tuesday night I found out one of the mom’s had the nerve to talk with my co-leader about her “concern” over my husband being in a house full of little girls. WHAT?? She told my co-leader she didn’t feel comfortable leaving her daughter in a house with a…. MAN! She’s never even met Chris. I don’t even think she’s even SEEN HIM!! I’m waiting for her to confront me.. I’m going to blast her.. but my response to my co-leader when she told me this??? I looked her straight in the eye and said… “Don’t worry.. he was acquitted on all charges.” She about peed herself cracking up. See? I’ve still got it – sometimes! The nerve of this woman. If she has issues, she needs to bring it up to me, NOT talk to other people about me and my family. And the weird thing is, this woman is married. Why would she say such a thing? Unless, her husband is a creeper so she thinks they all are??? I’m thoroughly offended. It was kinda cool that one of my favorite Cadettes overheard the conversation and was just as offended. She defended Chris…it made my heart melt. SO SWEET! She’s my alter ego and has NO PROBLEM telling these women off.
The Cadette troop – GRRR I’m so fed up with their lack of responsibility and disrespect. My cookie mom has already said she wasn’t returning next year and honestly, I told her I wasn’t either. The girls are crazy this year and their parents UGH, Just want to line them up and smack them. What do they think Michelle and I do all day? Sit around eating bon bons? NO! We work our butts off organizing events, activities and trips. All we ask is paperwork be turned in on time, homework be completed on time and meetings run smooth. HA! Michelle went ballistic last night when ½ the girls forgot their work AGAIN. She screamed and told them to call their moms to come and pick them up. We were done… of course, they didn’t.. Hell, the mom’s wouldn’t have come anyway.. But we did cancel next weeks meeting. Michelle and I need a break. We’re tired of planning stuff that can’t be done because the girls won’t do their freaking work.
Chris and I have been fighting over the littlest things. The reason I say this is.. well.. I have to explain my absolute loss of umm reality? Reasoning?
I have one job I do faithfully for Chris’s parents. I watch Kitty when they go on their cruises. It’s MY job. Kitty is a major pain in the ass – you have to watch her like a child. She gets out of the yard, gets into the garbage, digs like crazy and loves to lie on the furniture. Plus, she barks so freaking loud. She drives me nuts but…it’s my job and I don’t complain. This year was going to be a little challenge because I have the day care now and the dogs aren’t allowed in the house. My dogs usually sit on the back patio most of the day or hang in the back yard. They don’t try to escape and I can trust they won’t dig to China. The plan was for Kitty to do the same – unless she tried to escape from the porch by ripping out my screen. Chris, thinking he was… HELPING.. told his father not to forget the cage. Kitty would be caged during my business hours and of course at night. UGH! He was trying to help but… in my crazy opinion didn’t. Not wanting Kitty to be caged an entire week, his parents made arrangements for Tammy to watch Kitty during their next cruise. Instead of feeling relieved… I just wanted to cry.. See? I’m crazy right? That was MY JOB.. not TAMMY’s… MINE… and Chris took it away from me. I told him I didn’t know if I wanted to hug him or smack him; which of course caused us to get into ANOTHER fight. I was joking right? Was I?? WHY? Because I’ve totally lost my mind. I understand but darn it… that was my job! The men in white coats really need to get here soon.. next we’ll be fighting over.. how I fold the towels.. Oh wait.. they haven’t been done in MONTHS!! UGH…
We’ve decided to take a long weekend over Easter to get away. (If I can make it that long) Becca says she’s hiding my phone so I can’t take it with me. If anyone needs us, they can go through her.. I need to get away from Girl Scouts, Day Care and life… just for a few days… We have no money, may lose the house..but..it’s better than losing my mind..well, what’s left of it!
When will the chaos end? When will the pressure begin to ease? When will I be able to take a deep breath and relax?? Holy Cow! We’re just about out of February and I don’t even remember entering January! I’ve been on the run forever – if not in body, in mind! I’m seriously wondering when my heart will give out or when the top of my head will explode.
June 13th is my last official day as Coach to 5 Girl Scout Troops. June 13th was supposed to be my last official day as Daisy leader but every time I begin my resignation letter and plan to notify my daisy mom’s, Becca stops me with the plea that she doesn’t want to lose her daisy troop. Honestly, she’s been running the darn thing since November. I plan the meetings and then deal with the parents, Becca handles the girls and the activities. But it’s just too much. I can’t take it any longer. I turned in my resignation for Secretary, but they’ve asked me to hold off on that one.. they think I’ll change my mind before September rolls around.. we’ll see.. it’s not much to do, so we’ll see. The Cadette troop? Still debating on that.. the girls want me to stay but… I don’t know if I have another 4 years left in me for them. I’m burned out and ready for a padded cell.
Cookie sales are underway and chaos as usual surrounds us. Parents are calling me asking me questions when I’m not in charge of cookie sales. Parents refuse to call the cookie mom because they KNOW I’ll answer the phone and answer their questions. Tonight was our first booth and due to an issue with one parent – FOUR cookie booths are being disrupted and screwed up. GRRRR! Just burns me up. Thought I’d have a quiet night at home trying to get laundry done before I headed out to check on 4 booths tomorrow. NOPE!
My daisy parents are driving me crazy. I’ve discreetly informed a few I’d be resigning and they’ve all done the standard, “you can’t leave, you’re amazing” routine. Blah blah blah, I know I’m replaceable… just find someone. No one wants the responsibility but they all have no problem offering me suggestions on how to run the meetings, plan the meetings and which patches they want. I’ve blown up a few times and they’ve all been shocked I’d be so upset at their “assistance”. Hell, if they want to offer assistance – take over the damn troop! One mom is purchasing patches weekly – and we’ve not even done the projects! It’s crazy. But, of course, she wants me to research and plan the activities for those patches she purchased. GRRR!
Morgan house is in absolute chaos. The house is a mess, the laundry is piling up and the anger and frustration is mounting. Fighting daily, going to bed angry or sad.. it’s pitiful. No way to get around it. Patience is lost, compassion is gone…no time for ourselves so how can we have time for each other? If we make it to June it will be a freaking miracle. Hell, I say we… It’s me. I have no time, patience, or energy for my family. I’ve let myself go.. not taking my meds, not eating anything healthy..hell half the time not even bothering to brush my hair I’m so darn busy… I’m letting my business (and Girl Scouting) interfere with family time. My hours are 7-5:30 but for the past 4 months I’ve been working 6 until 6 and one parent just asked last night if I’d work until 6:30pm. Can’t do it (not because of family) but…because 3 nights (sometimes 4) a week I have to be in Arlington at 6:15 for girl scouting. Dinner has been McDonalds all week because with 5 kids and then Girl Scouts, I don’t have time to cook dinner – heck tonight I used the crock pot and almost didn’t get it done on time..I love my job, I love the kids but I’m screwing up by being too nice. A lot will change in June, a lot of stress will disappear but will we make it until then? Only time will tell I guess.
And.. will we have any friends by then? I just realized tonight that we’ve been out of the loop for over a year. WOW.. didn’t realize it until tonight. Haven’t hung out with friends, haven’t attended parties, haven’t gone to dinner..we’ve been so crazy out of the loop.. Will we have friends in June? Will they forgive us for neglecting them?? My schedule is packed until May. Every weekend is crammed full of event after event – EVEN SUNDAYS! How did I let that happen? And as good as I am with keeping records.. how do I double book myself? I’ve done it twice in the past few weeks. If anyone knows how to clone… I’m in the market for a second me!
Feeling better after a vent.. Now if only I had a room full of friends and a bottle of tequila….
Why is it that I keep erasing my blogging before I hit “publish”? Why am I afraid to spout off about something that angers me for fear of offending someone? Isn’t this the place to spew my frustration without the worry of hurting someone’s feelings or offending someone? Oh screw it.. this time I won’t hit delete….
I am thoroughly disgusted with the stereotypical white trash hoochie momma’s that think it’s alright to steal from the government and get away with it. It totally ticks me off to go to Wal-mart and stand in line behind a woman who just recently left the hair salon with her freshly created weave and her brand new 3 inch decorated nails wearing her designer outfit standing with her 3 children with a cart full of name brand items only to hand over her WIC check at the end of her purchase to pay for her milk, bread, cheese and juice. Why the fuck is it okay for her to have T-Bone steaks, Rib eyes, Coke products, Folgers coffee, Tide laundry detergent and Oscar Meyer bacon and a carton of MARLBORO cigarettes and then be allowed to have the government to pay for her diary products? Is this fair? WHAT THE HELL? We’re so broke we don’t have a pot to piss in, we had to stop eating our OREO’s and settle for choco-cremes, we can’t have Dr. Pepper, we have to settle for Dr. Thunder and this bitch gets her T-BONE and free milk? That’s just total bull-shit! I’m so tired of this, I see it more and more every time I hit a store and it frustrates the hell out of me. I can’t afford to replace my holey underwear but she can wear designer jeans and get her “hair did” Hell, I’m so full of grey hair and I can’t even afford a damn bottle of Clairol! GEESH! I really wanted to drop everything and run out to the parking lot to see if she was driving a fucking caddy!
Maybe I’m just aggravated because we’ve had to buckle down and watch every penny. Maybe I’m just mad because I’m so tired of chicken and mac & cheese and that bitch is enjoying her T-bone. Maybe I’m just so fucking tired from a full days work to help earn money for my family that I think it’s just wrong for her to be sittin’ at home watching DAYS OF OUR LIVES and eating her bon bons while my family struggles because we make too much fucking money to get a little assistance in our time of need. I don’t know… Maybe I’m just “mad” and need a straight jacket… Maybe the government needs to find a way to confirm these bitches are really making the money they claim to be making… something just doesn’t seem right…
Becca is in DC, having a blast though she had an accident in the tub last night falling out and busting her elbow. Luckily it’s just bruised and not broken though she cried and cried on the phone with me last night and I couldn’t give her a big hug or kiss her boo boo away!! A little Advil and ice and she’s good to go today. She’s in a hotel room with three of her good friends and from the noise they seem to be getting along perfectly. Crazy girls – I just hope they remember to use their common sense. This trip is a school trip and they went through a ton of paperwork, confirming with all the teachers that they could go – signatures from each teacher etc. And even with all of that.. I get a phone call at 6pm last night informing me my daughter was not in school. Huh… They call me when she’s on a school approved trip but they can’t call me when she’s actually home sick. Doesn’t make sense does it??
I’ve been fighting a cold for 4 weeks now and it’s killing me. I’m already burning myself out with all the crap I have to do, can I at least get a break with this stupid cold. I get rid of it, and then two days later, I’m lying in bed hacking and coughing again. SUCKS! If I can make it the next five months, all will be well… But I honestly don’t think I can make it. I hate to be a quitter, but with the stress of the business, Becca’s school, Girl Scouts and home life, I think I’ll be in a padded cell or divorced before 5 months come and go.
I have no patience for anything lately. Especially with Chris and Becca. I’m cranky and irritated with just the slightest issue. They seem to need my attention more and more daily and with everything going on.. I just don’t have the attention to give. I just snap! I know.. I know.. THEY are the important ones, they are the ones that deserve all my attention but I’m at my wits end! What can I do? It was so much easier when I didn’t have a job, didn’t have so many Girl Scout responsibilities. I’m so tired, beyond exhausted, I just want to fall into bed and sleep for a week. But I can’t because there is cleaning to do, children to watch, meals to fix and activities to plan and Girl Scout field trips to go on…and don’t forget cookie sales/booths!!. Heck, I don’t even have time to brush my own darn hair! I just throw it in a bun and I’m done. To add love and affection, a little compassion or comfort – HA! Who has time for it? I’m all worn out!! UGH! Five more months and I’m getting rid of a ton of responsibilities. I’m so tempted to tell them it’s effective immediately..but then, I’d be a quitter. What should I do? Can my family hold on five more months or will we be at the point of hating and resenting each other by then? Chris says I’m not happy anymore, haven’t been happy in a long long time. I guess that’s kind of true. How can I fix it?
I love my job. I got a few more kids and I’m at the point of having to send people away! It’s awesome. I love having all the kids around, having all the noise and chaos. Right now I have my usual 6 month old, 2 year old and 4 year old. Two days a week I’ll add a 3 year old and a 6 week old..and I may be getting my final charge – 5 month old. I’m filled to capacity and having a wonderful time! This is definitely my dream job. I’m loving it!
February and March are filled with Girl Scout events – cookie sales, cookie booths, community service and field trips.. Before we lose the rest of our faithful friends… we want to find a minute or two to visit everyone. I’m working on it! I swear! And even though we have to decline more than we can accept invitations, we really appreciate all the invites and hope you all will be patient and not forget us!! We’ll be out of this black hole soon… 5 months and counting! We’re in need of a poker game soon!!!!
We have one week to go to see if Becca makes it in the IB program at Stanton or Paxon. Fingers crossed. Becca says if she doesn’t make it, she’s packing up and moving to PA. If she can’t go to her dream school, then she’s going to go with her 2nd choice and be with Liz. And the funny thing is… Liz is planning on applying to Flagler College so that she can be down here with Becca in 3 years. Think they miss each other?
Five months to go… think I can make it????