Chopped Secret Ingredients

As lame as it sounds, Chris and I watch Chopped on Food Network Channel every Tuesday night as our “together time”. Why? Well, cause we’re old, fat and love food. Well actually, its because I’m a seriously picky eater and enjoy (for some strange reason) getting grossed out by the strange ingredients they are forced to put together to create a perfect dish. Chris on the other hand enjoys seeing the different ingredients and loves the “perfect dishes” they create while dreaming of a wife that would be just a little bit more creative in her : Meat, potato or rice, nuked vegetable dinner. We’ve talked about it for weeks and finally made the decision that Chris would find some “secret ingredients” for me and I would create new dishes. We don’t follow the exact rules of Chopped. He just gets 4 ingredients and I can combine them any way I can as long as they aren’t in their “original” capacity. Sounds fair enough. I don’t have to put licorice in my purple potatoes and cow tongue but I also can just serve him crackers and cheese. OH SAVE ME..

So, today was our first experiment. Chris went out Thursday to purchase the secret ingredients. He returns home with Cuban Crackers, Gnocchi, Bosch Pears and Limburger Cheese. My heart can’t handle these ingredients, my picky palate cringed at the thought of these items – bland, doughy, icky pears and stinky cheese..but.. I’m game so let the games begin. I have until Saturday to research recipes, purchase my necessities and create for Saturday night dinner.

Gnocchi w/Broccoli and Chicken stuffed w/ Limburger Cheese

We start off with Baked Chicken with Limburger Cheese. I took thin slices of chicken breasts, layered them with a little seasoning, a small chunk of Limburger cheese and minced onions. Rolled it like a jelly roll, then rolled it again with a slice of bacon. I browned it, created a cool little gravy and then put it in the oven to finish cooking…

My thoughts?? The freaking cheese is disgusting. It smelled like a dirty diaper before I cooked it (and I know all good chefs should taste before using but there was NO WAY IN HELL I was going to taste that cheese by itself). After it cooked it smelled like dried up spit and curdled milk – let me tell you it was hard to swallow that shit though the chicken was pretty tasty – but the stench killed me. Becca ate it so I’m assuming it had to be half way decent as she’s pickier than I am!

Gnocchi – I boiled the Gnocchi as it stated on the bag. I fried up some diced bacon and set aside – and then into the yummy bacon grease I saute’ed chopped onions and broccoli, then stirred in the Gnocchi and bacon pieces.

My thoughts?? My tongue did not like the Gnocchi – don’t know if I did something wrong or if it’s actually supposed to taste like dough – but can I say EWWW? But, with the onions and broccoli..and BACON, it really wasn’t that bad – though I think next time I’ll fry the suckers instead of boiling them.

Baked Pears with Cracker/Oatmeal crumble

And on to my pears and crackers. I hate pears!! But, in respect of the game, I went safe and made baked pears. Since I had no idea what the hell to do with those dry ass crackers, I crumbled them up, mixed them with oatmeal, brown sugar, cinnamon and butter and then placed that mixture on top of the pears and baked them. Unfortunately, the pears Chris purchased did not like to be baked. They turned brown but NEVER softened. UGH! Lesson #1 – if you don’t know the ingredient – RESEARCH THE DAMN THING!!

My thoughts?? I don’t know – I made Chris try it – and when I saw they didn’t cook all the way, I chickened out and refused to try it. I’m sure Chris will put his two cents in on this post and let us know his thoughts on tonights…umm, experience. Becca refused to eat them also!!

Becca’s hollering for PIZZA.. and that’s pretty bad since the girl is on a diet… But.. I have to say I kind of enjoyed the meal, I know I made mistakes and I definitely would NOT serve this meal to my friends or the rest of my family until I perfect it a little bit more (well, a lot  more) (and without the LIMBURGER!!) but it was fun and I’m looking forward to Chris searching out our next…. secret…ingredients…

So tell me Chris? Overall.. Taste? Presentation? Creativity?

I was talking with a friend of mine last night and she informed me I needed to find a friend, someone who could listen to me vent and not respond to my babbling with the usual responses I always get when I complain about this subject. She told me that even she couldn’t just listen because the urge to protect me from myself was too strong and she’d end up lecturing me and giving me advice I’ve heard over and over and over again. I know what I SHOULD do, I know what I HAVE to do, I know what I NEED to do, but it always ends up that I just hang my head and do what I do. It sucks, my chest is killing me, the lump is in my throat and the tears are dying to fall.

My sister is coming back into town. WHAT? She left? Again? Yep, a little over a month ago she took off for Atlanta to be with her new beau. I didn’t want to write about it, I didn’t want to jinx myself, I didn’t want to giggle with glee that I was finally able to breathe without having to worry about what trouble she was going to get into next. I knew it wouldn’t last,  but I didn’t want to think about it because I knew, I KNEW something would go wrong and she’d come back and I’d be in the same predicament I’m in every other time – help her out because she has no where to go.

Long story short – same ole’ same ole’ – He took her money, he took her car (he didn’t want the sex). She’s stuck at the house, no money, no food, no way to find a job. She cleans his house, washes his clothes and fixes his dinner but since she didn’t purchase the food, she’s not allowed to eat it. Hasn’t eaten in 6 days, has had nothing but water for 2 weeks because there aren’t any teabags or sugar for tea – and so on and so on. Apparently he’s also been verbally abusive and has thrown things at her. LOSER!!!

After I made arrangements to take my dogs down to my in-laws for two weeks so I could visit my dad at Thanksgiving, she calls and tells me she needs a place to stay over the holiday because this guys kid is coming to stay with him and she can’t be there – not allowed until after the divorce is final. NOT! I refused to allow her to stay here, she ended up getting a hotel for the weekend. This time – the kid is coming for the weekend and he has no money for a hotel, SHE has no money for a hotel so he was going to move his truck (that doesn’t work) somewhere so she could stay in the truck for a few days while the kid was at the house – REALLY? REALLY!!! She’s been talking with her ex-husband and apparently he offered to wire her money to come “home”… Not his home mind you… but Jacksonville. She told me she WAS going to just show up on my door step on Monday and say “Surprise I’m back” but figured I’d be a little upset so instead she called to give me her story and hint that she needs a place to stay for another while. OH GOD I CAN’T DO THIS AGAIN!

I immediately email my brother and dad and let them know what’s going on – and of course their response was the usual – DON’T do it, let her live on the street, call women’s shelters – DON’T DO IT! The usual speech that I get from everyone – all the way down to the – Don’t be stupid Teresa, don’t be stupid. Yeah, well, I know that. I know I’m stupid when it comes to my sister. I KNOW THAT. What’s wrong with me? If I hear “enabler” one more time I’m going to scream. I KNOW THAT!! No disrespect to my other family members, I love them dearly,  but… THEY aren’t here dealing with it. THEY are hundreds of miles away with no contact with her -it’s easy to give advice when you don’t have to see them face to face with tears in their eyes and suitcase in hand. Come down here and say it to her – see how YOU FEEL!!!! I don’t want her here, I can’t have her here but it breaks my heart knowing I have a space for her and I’m making her stay on the street. I know.. I know I’m not doing it.. She’s doing it… but….GOD I can’t even explain myself. I NEED to help her, she’s my sister and I love her and my heart just can’t handle knowing she’s suffering (even though she does it to herself.) I want to scream at her, I want to shout and smack her and just beat some sense into her head. But when she shows up and starts to cry, I crumble and need to help, need to make her happy, need to comfort. I have nightmare’s that the cops will show up at my door and tell me there’s been an accident, she’ll be gone. It’ll be my fault because I refused to help her, the guilt will eat me alive. Yeah, I know – that’s stupid -she’s 38 and needs to grow up – but who says I’m rational?

I can’t take much more, I’m going to explode. Chris is on his downward spiral (and fighting valiantly to stay sane) Becca is having issues at school, my day care and Girl Scouts are taking over my life and I’m just down right tired(who has time for doctor visits???) . My head says, “DON’T DO IT, DON’T DO IT” but when she shows up Monday – my heart will be exploding – I can’t do it, it will ruin… ahh crap, it’ll just suck. “NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO”

Tonight was the first night in 7 years that I felt uncomfortable at my GS meeting. It was the strangest feeling. I have finally realized why I don’t speak out and state my opinion, why I stay quiet and just listen – Because I don’t want to sound like an idiot or feel as bad as I felt this evening.

Hopefully I can explain what happened tonight clearly.. I’m not good with words and of course my thought process is shotty lately…

Each week the girls start off the meeting with current events. Most of the times the girls just talk about their crappy teachers or how they did on tests but some times, they actually come in with an interesting news story to tell the group. Last week I heard/read a neat news story and thought I’d share it with the group. It was a Girl Scout news story so I thought it’d be cool to share…. My mistake…

The story was about a 7 year old boy who wanted to join Girl Scouts. From what I read, apparently he’s grown up a girl in a boys body. Transgender? He went to a Girl Scout meeting and attempted to register but the Scout leader refused him. Girl Scouts is for Girls, not boys. Girl Scouts does not discriminate against race, gender or sexual preference or religion (unlike the Boy Scouts). We accept everyone – so why not this little boy? The leader attempted to explain about “GIRLS” only in Girl Scouts but the parents wouldn’t accept that – they went to the local Council to complain. After explaining Girl Scout policies about it being a “GIRL” only institution, the parents explained the child’s upbringing, explaining he was being raised as a girl. Girl Scouts then accepted him/her into the program allowing that we do not discriminate against…. anyone.. so Transgenders are welcome… How do you feel???

Well, I understand both sides of the argument, really I do but for me personally… WOO HOO. Girl Scouts ACCEPTS EVERYONE..no exceptions. I love it. Just when I think I’m ready to quit, they go and do something like this.. Amazing! I’m bringing Becca up to accept everyone – I don’t care of their race, religion, sexual preference or gender – There isn’t much Becca can rebel against because we’ll accept her anyway she is… well, unless she becomes a serial killer – then I may have to say something to her!

But anyway, I understand people will have issues with this child being in the same dorm as the other girls – why? Because he still has a penis! Yeah, I understand that, but I don’t see why the child can’t attend Girl Scout outings, learn leadership skills, do arts and crafts and just have fun just because the child has a penis…. Hell, one of my girls little brother has been in our troop for YEARS and no one has said a darn word!!! BUT… My fellow troop mom’s disagree – I couldn’t believe the hostility spewing from them concerning this article. Here I was talking to the girls about acceptance of those that are different and these mom’s are throwing insults about allowing “strange” children in with their girls. We have Girl Scouts so our girls can be safe, not having to worry about boys/men in our groups. I know there are going to have to be some adjustments to our ways with the “acceptance” of girls with penis but I’m sure in this century we could find a way to integrate them into our programs… RIGHT??? Am I wrong? Am I too accepting?

What is wrong with the world today? I joined Girl Scouts to help girls become our future leaders. Future Leaders that are open and accepting of change – building on making the world a better place!! I thought the idea was for them to accept everyone no matter what, to make our future better by not having these nasty bias/racist/bigotted attitudes. I have fought so many battles with the girls – not doing any of the “hard” work but getting all the benefits that the hard workers receive, not selling cookies but going on the field trips for free etc. I don’t want Becca thinking it’s okay to be lazy because she’ll still get all the rewards.I fight her yearly about selling cookies because I won’t allow her to go on the end of the year trip without selling cookies, she understands she has to pull her own weight.. But I also don’t want Becca  to not accept someone-just because they are different… So what if someone is gay, so what if someone is transgender, so what if they are atheist or christian  - what’s the big deal? Really? What’s the big deal? If they are nice to you… be nice back.

These women are my friends, I love them dearly but tonight was shocking. I’ve never heard such hostility from them. Even if I am wrong in my thoughts and opinions, I would have thought they’d respond a little differently – especially in front of their girls. I felt so uncomfortable and unwelcome. The remainder of the meeting except for my one friend and her daughter – the women stayed at one end of the table, while I sat at the other…. I’m glad I’m home now…back in my hole… where I feel safe;(

Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in. Yep, that’s the story of my life.

Last night I had planned to tell Michelle (my co-leader with our Senior Troop) that I was resigning my position from everything. No more Brownies, No more Seniors, no more Secretary and no more rug to step on. I was so beyond pissed I was near tears and just ready to throw in the towel for good. And then, I walk into my meeting and my sweet wonderful girls hollered “Surprise” and gave me the most amazingly perfect Surprise Party I’ve ever had. How can I resign now?

Rewind… a few hours… (wednesday)

My phone is ringing off the hook all day. I don’t answer it because I’m trying to make sure Chaos doesn’t kill anyone. I never answer the phone during the day unless it’s family or my babies parents. That’s my rule. I’m not dealing with Girl Scouts during the hours of 7am-6pm. The phone is ringing like crazy, the phone calls are all questions about a recruitment that’s supposed to be happening Wednesday night at MRE. Since that’s my normal meeting night I never signed up for it so I have no clue why these people are calling me. Then my email goes crazy about something that apparently happened 2 years ago – like I’m supposed to remember something that happened 2 freaking years ago?? Won’t even go into that story because it’s way too freaking bazaar! I’m also receiving emails about placing K-1 girls in my Daisy troop. HELLO!! I’m not a Daisy leader! But my Member specialist doesn’t want to hear that – she wants me to be coach, Daisy leader blah blah blah… Anyway – I contact Council about all these stupid calls, my member specialist informs me I need to contact our Junior leader, she’s supposed to be covering this event – it’s all covered. Okay, so I ignore the calls, it will all work out at the meeting. 6:00 comes, I’m done my shower ready to head out to my meeting – my neighbor comes over in hysterics about her dog – long story there – but I promise to sign a petition swearing her sweet baby is not a nasty killer. My cell phone and house phone ring in unison – don’t know the numbers – I ignore it. I HAVE to get out to my meeting. 6:10 I’m still home, I have over 7 phone calls – irate parents at MRE wanting to know where the GS Leader is that is supposed to talk to them about recruitment – WHO THE HELL GAVE THESE PEOPLE MY NUMBER??? So, I stop what I’m doing and start making phone calls – I speak to my Junior leader – she knows nothing, I speak to my SUM – she knows nothing, I talk to my Recruitment officer – SHE knows nothing – How the hell did these people get my number??? They tell me I should go up and soothe these parents, talk to them and explain the lack of communications in GS. HELLO? I’m on my way to my OWN freaking meeting. I CAN’T do this recruitment!!! I’m in tears, I’m running late, I walk outside and…. my car is up on Jacks… Apparently Chris decides now is the time to check my oil. I’m about ready to cry, tears are filling my eyes, I’m arguing with people on my cell and I’m going to be so freaking late to my meeting. I get a text – Michelle is going to be late! UGH! I want to just call her and tell her I’m not coming!! I’ve had enough. Chris finally takes the car down, we get in the car and I just start screaming. Poor Becca, she just sat there and listened. Tried to contact Lori (one of my GS mom’s) to let her know we’d be late – but.. .Dumb me never put her number in my new cell – I’ve had the damn thing for 3 months – you’d figure I’d put her number in there. I’m screaming, I’m hollering I’m over 15 minutes late to my meeting. How bad is that? I’m the leader and I’m freaking late! My cheeks are burning, my eyes are burning and I just want to curl up and cry.

We get to the meeting, we walk in and everyone hollers “Surprise”. I almost had a heart attack! They all have party hats on, the place is decorated and the table laden with all my favorite foods. Pictures are taken, I’m told to sit down and they have a little presentation for me. A couple of the girls (and mom’s)had speeches to read – how I’ve influenced their lives, and so on. It was awesomely amazing. For someone feeling so down and stressed, it was just so wonderful to walk into this surprise. I jokingly remarked, “I guess I can’t turn in my resignation now.” Of course I have to explain to them my chaotic day! They then explain that – Chris was suppose to “stall” me – hence -the fixing of my car so they could decorate and set up. Why Michelle informed me she was late? I’m unclear – but, they had their reasons I guess. I love my girls, and I really don’t want to abandon them because of this crazy chaos that’s going on outside the troop. Decision made, I’ll quit everything but my Seniors…

Fast forward…to home…

I come home from my meeting in a happy mood. I walk in the door and both Karen and Chris inform me there is a message on the machine I need to listen to. It’s from an irate parent. They inform me that had they not been afraid of embarrassing me and/or Girl Scouts, they would have picked up the phone and cussed this woman out. Apparently she was very rude. It was a difficult night, I’m sure parents are upset so I’m not worried about a rude parent… Until I hear the message. Its not from an irate parent, it’s from the new leader of my former daisy troop – the bitch that accused me of stealing. She’s been getting calls all night about a meeting at MRE, apparently there is a flier with her name and number on it and people are wondering why she never showed up to talk to them. (Now I know where people got MY name and number – A FLIER!) She wants to know why I put her name on the flier and did not notify her, why I told people she’d be at a meeting and never told her about the meeting (and so on and so on). She informed me I was unprofessional and she was not happy with me. It got worse, but I was already seeing red so I had to quit listening. I get accused of this and I had nothing to do with it. I immediately hit my computer and throw out an email to my SUM and the member specialist. I think I was pretty professional, but I did tell them there would be serious consequences if this woman contacted me ever again.I want NO contact with her or else. Yeah, or else. I told them she was not my friend, I was not her co-leader, coach, friend or co-worker and I want NOTHING to do with her. My SUM backed me up….and tonight…my Member specialist made it out to be a big joke.

Tonight…

“Why can’t we all get along? We all need to work together and let sensitive feelings go.” Oh, NO SHE DIDN’T! This was the theme of our SU meeting tonight. Our membership specialist stared at me the entire time. I’m sure everyone was wondering what the heck she was talking about. And then at the end of the meeting she pulled me aside and explained to me the confusion of last night, made a joke out of it and then called the “BITCH” over to us to tease her about it. I looked at my SU and asked, “Do you need me?” She looked up, grinned and said, “Nope”.. I’m out of here – I walked out of the door before the Bitch and MS could say anything to me. If she does, I swear Chris will be bailing me out of jail or visiting me in the hospital because I’m gonna blow.

I’m giving it a day or two to let this blow over, then I’ll be putting in my resignation for Secretary and Brownie leader. I’m still going to help the Brownies because I don’t want to let them down, and don’t want to lose my friendships with the mom’s (and I just LOVE this troop!!!), But I’ll be an unofficial helper – NOT on GS paperwork. I’m so over this crap. I won’t let them walk all over me any more.

I should delete this now, I feel better after ranting – though my face is still burning – what’s with this burning feeling? It’s been going on for the past 4 days – ridiculous!!

I haven’t posted anything lately because honestly? I really have nothing funny or interesting to talk about but..The past two days have just been so crazy I feel I need to type out the craziness of my life! (sigh)

Yesterday was my follow up Doctor’s appointment with blood work. Why can’t they just call and tell me this over the phone? Why do we have to pay an additional $20 to sit in a room and have them tell us stuff they can say over the freaking phone? Well..It doesn’t really matter since I had to have a heart echo before the appointment but seriously – we’ve got phones and emails – stop making me pay the extra $20!

So, the day was horrible. My Terrible Twos are trying to kill each other, my 1 year old is following in Chaos’s footsteps by hitting and pinching everyone in sight and my little babies are teething so they are miserable. I had to wait for Chris to come home (to help with Chaos and give me the car) and hope Karen woke up to help out with the rest of my monsters so I could get to the appointment. Chris gets home, I’m beyond stressed and have a slight melt down right before leaving – so as you can guess – my Blood pressure was sky high. I get to the doctor’s they forget about my echo – put me in the room for my regular appointment then have to “find” me to make me get the echo- AHHH CHAOS! It was fun watching my crazy heart jump all over the screen – the technician explained everything too me.. Really cool.. but I’m off topic….I get to my designated room, my doctor comes in and informs me I have two options (before even saying hello!) Either I lie down for 20 minutes, relax, close my eyes and just breathe- so she can recheck my BP.. or she was going to call an ambulance to take me to the ER.. Hmmm, guess it was a little high! I chose option 1 and luckily after 20 minutes, my BP went down to a manageable number. How I don’t know since I was stressing over hurrying this appointment up so I could get back home before the kids went home, worrying about getting dinner ready so I could get to my next GS meeting.. UGH..

We then had a nice chat- she should have become a psychologist…Why is my BP high? Stress? She asks what my daily routine is, then asks about my week. I, of course, explain I’ve got a crazy non-medicated bi-polar husband, a 10th grade gifted student-fighting for bus transpo, home day care, Leader to 2 troops and Secretary to our Service Unit. I also told her I have my sister living with me.GRRR!  Every body has a busy life, why do you think mine is so crazy? Everyone is crazy! She asks why I take on so much? She says yes, it’s definitely stress (among other things) causing my high BP. I told her I just can’t say NO. I like helping people.

Doc – “And why is that?”

“huh?”

Doc – “Why can’t you say NO? Why do you always want to help people? Why do you feel like you HAVE to say yes?  Do you have the need to feel loved?”

“Uh, HUH? Doesn’t everyone have the need to feel loved?”

Doc -”Well, yes, but you seem to have an obsessive need to feel loved – why is that?”

GULP.. “I don’t know”…

I guess that’s something to think about. So, now that she feels I have this obsessive need to feel loved, I have to go back in 3 weeks to get my blood work rechecked. If it’s still bad.. SHE will be making changes to my home life/schedule. THIS should be fun…. I didn’t realize I had a problem.. Hmmmm. So if you see any crazy comments on facebook or anything like that about me not feeling loved… NOW you know.. I’m really unloved…

And on today… The BP is raging right now, my face is on fire and my chest is shaking. Sound familiar? Yeah, that always happens when I have to deal with the PSYCHO! That’s right, the Psycho is back and I had to deal with her tonight. Why? It’s not my job – I’m no longer the coach, I’m no longer the Daisy leader – I know, I know but.. She was harassing my brownie co-leader and I just had to step up and deal with it. Causing a scene at an Open House – sheesh what is the world coming to. Actually had to bring Chris in to intimidate her enough to make her leave my recruitment booth. After tonight, I’m sure I’ll need to look over my shoulder for a while because that lady definitely wanted to see my head on the hood of her car – or probably under it. They’ve tried all summer to get me to go back as being a coach. I don’t WANT to be a coach – I love being a co-leader with my two wonderful troops – I don’t WANT to work with the other troops – and what did they do? They dragged me into it tonight. It’s my fault, I know it but I couldn’t let this wonderful lady be attacked (like I have been in the past) by this crazy lady. We had a recruitment at an open house. I was told I needed to find someone to cover our table so I asked my Co-leader to handle it. After I set this up one of the “higher ups” took it upon herself to ask the new leader of my former troop to handle it, thinking I wouldn’t find someone to cover it -tsk tsk, don’t tell me to do something and then step on my toes – chaos happens…. So my co-leader shows up and sets up the booth. A few minutes later Psycho shows up – WHY? Because the new Daisy leader was running late and she asked her to step in – great idea except she had no paperwork, she didn’t know what to do and she dressed like a freaking slob – not only that- she’s been BANNED from every OFFICIAL GS event!!Good God REALLY? Where is your brain. The event started at 6:30 – the daisy leader shows up after 7! It’s a good thing my co-leader was there on time and FREAKING PREPARED!  So, I had to kick psycho out -though she refused to leave, acting belligerent informing me she was staying until her leader showed up. I outrank them both, I’m there, I don’t NEED YOU HERE!!! She refused to leave…. Chris shows up… she quietly slips away down the hall. I love my big bear of a husband! There is so much more to this story but… it’s all babble. So much going on, so much stress again. I’m almost hoping my doctor steps in and puts her foot down. How much more can I take before my heart calls a halt to it all? Just please, give me a few minutes to punch her in the face before you give out on me, heart!

Yes, I bring it on myself. Yes, I do this to myself. I’m NOT complaining… my doctor is, my husband is, my heart is…. I need a drink….

For anyone that’s already read my two previous posts – I didn’t delete them.. I put them on private – not because I felt I was wrong in venting my anger but because I THOUGHT I’d already placed them in private. One of those “self help written rages” that no one should have seen or heard..GULP.. I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings if they’d accidentally found Chris’s webpage and read what I wrote. Yeah, I’m confusing and retarded… I love to complain but don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings but voicing my rage… I’ll do a better update later – minus the rage and cursing….:)

How do I react? What should I feel? The thoughts race through my head and I just don’t know what to say.

A few weeks ago my sister informed me she was moving to Atlanta. Believe me, I was quite shocked to hear her say this.

She’s been having a blast the past few months finding her old gang on Facebook and getting back in touch with all her old beau’s. We even had one of them spend Christmas day with us. She and Jeff have been separated (though still living together) for over a year. He has his girl friends, she has her guys. A few months ago, she told me she found her favorite old boyfriend on FB, he lives in Atlanta, doing well for himself and he comes to Jax every once in a while to visit his family. He actually came down just to visit with Karen last month. Didn’t think much of it-this has been the same way she’s met up with each of the old guys. SO, I’m a little shocked when she calls me up and tells me she gave a 60 day notice to her work – she was moving to Atlanta the beginning of September. WOW, shocking but.. eh, it’s a Karen thing – she won’t go through with it. Imagine my surprise when she called me Friday and informed me she was leaving this Monday.Not two weeks after she called and said she was giving 60 days! She was fed up with her job, Jeff wanted her out of the house and she was ready for a new adventure. Huh.. I guess she was serious.  She stopped by today to pick up her few things she’s left here and she’s packing up tomorrow for the drive.

How do I feel? Sad? Heartbroken? Relieved? I don’t know. I do know that I was shocked to see the huge tears running down my baby girls face when she heard me tell Chris that Karen was actually moving. Who’da thunk Becca would be so upset about it? Karen hasn’t “been there” for anyone in so long -I never realized that she actually HAS been there for Becca. Becca is so upset that her Aunt is leaving. THAT breaks my heart, knowing Becca is hurting but honestly.. I think it’s best, I think Karen is due for a new adventure (far far away from me) and I think Atlanta is a great place to start it.

My brother is beyond furious. I found that Karen’s new home is 33 miles from my brothers house – 53 minutes away. Oh giggle giggle, I wish I were near when they get their 1st view of each other again after 12 years. Yeah, that’s childish I know.. but HEY, what are sisters for right?

I guess-selfish as I am.. I’m just pissed that I was the one that swore I would be out of this state long before anyone else. I hate Florida, I have hated Florida since I found out I had to move here back in ’83…and look at me now..My entire family has left this god-awful state..including my black sheep sister…and I’m still freaking stuck here with no way of getting out of here.GOD I HATE THIS PLACE…I’m happy for my sister, I’m glad she’s able to step up and finally go her own away..(and feel sorry for my brother cause he’s now VERY CLOSE to her) I hope she enjoys her new adventure and hope it all works out..

So.. What do I do now? The drama continues..

We’re dealing with another year of schooling issues with Becca. We swore before Becca left middle school that if she didn’t get into Stanton, we’d pack up and leave and find Becca an awesome school up North. We stayed because she got into the 2nd best school. Now, transportation for Becca’s school has been canceled. Thanks to our wonderful Duval County School System, they’ve canceled Magnet school transportation. What do we do? Gut response – MOVE MOVE MOVE.. Common sense? We stay until Becca graduates..thus giving us the dilemma of HOW does Becca get to school? Chris could take her most mornings – as long as he doesn’t get called out. He could pick her up most afternoons (as long as he doesn’t get called out) but what happens if he gets called out to Valdosta or Savannah? We have just one car and her school is 40 freaking minutes away! The bus companies have come up with a plan to find “convenient” bus stops for those 5200 Magnet screwed kids – at a cost of $1100. Until recently they stated it was due in full before the school year started (we found this out July 1st!) Who has that kind of money? I just got out of foreclosure UGH! I’m working on getting an assistant to see if I can take and pick her up BUT.. I’d need to get a new car in addition to paying an assistant. It’s all screwed up, it all sucks, I love to complain and I’m just so freaking tired of drama  being thrown our way. Becca is in constant hysterics about having to leave her school, going to a sucky school, moving away. Why’d we move out to BFE? Come on 2014! I am so ready to………..

It’s over, it’s done and I am confident (fingers crossed) that we have finally reached closure.

Tonight was our 2nd annual POP TOP Winner party – our cluster collected can tabs for Ronald McDonald House. The top 3 troops that collected the most win a Pizza/Dance Party. My older girls didn’t participate this year so we volunteered to man the concession stand. We’re trying to earn money for finance our Cruise in 2014. Anyway, my former Daisy troop was the winner this year – worries that issues would occur with all of us there were top thoughts in our minds.

What a relief – NO ISSUES. Psycho showed up – she stayed clear of the concession stand forcing her daughter to come up and purchase items. The crazy cookie mom – stayed clear of the concession stand also. I was tired, cranky and more than willing to cause a scene tonight at the smallest provocation. I’m spoiling for a fight, I really am. I happen to turn around when the kitchen door opens and who walks in? The new leader! Michelle is oh so polite with the Hi How ya doing and the new leader is all smiles and talkative. I guess after their bridging ceremony and my “niceness” she thought all was well – well… it was kinda – I’m just still a little hurt but.. doesn’t matter. Anyway, She’s nice, talkative and makes a few comments about not returning next year.Hmm, wonder what that’s about?   About an hour later she shows back up with the excuse of stealing another slice of pizza. She asks to speak to me and then proceeds to ask my forgiveness for her behavior. She tells me she is sorry for the way she treated me, spoke to me and spoke of me. She told me she was sorry for believing and allowing others to influence her judgement of me. (well.. somewhere along those lines). She told me her heart was hurting with how she behaved and asked if I could forgive her. To my amazement there were actual tears in her eyes. So, as everyone who knows me…knows what I did. I said, “THANK YOU” and allowed a small hug. I said, “See? I’m not as bad as THEY say I am”. She smiles and all is well. Obviously she didn’t notice (or care) that I did not say “I forgive you”. I won’t. I don’t forgive and I WON’T forget. Petty, I know but…Anyway – a short while later one of my favorite “moms” comes into the kitchen informs me she heard I got an apology and then informed me that she was asked to try to convince me to come back(by the new leader) !! Sheesh! And I thought it was a heartfelt apology – it was just a way to get me back so she could quit! UGH..

Well, the final laugh is on them – I’ve joined another troop and will be weeding out my favorites to get them to come to my new troop – screw the bitches – they can get a new troop on their own. Am I bitter? Yes…

But.. I got the apology (for what it’s worth) that I was looking for and I’m done.. Chapter done, booked closed.

Hopefully this will be my final blog on my Daisy Saga. I think we’ve finally got the closure we all wanted and I’m hoping tomorrow (or some day soon) my back will not be filled again with knife wounds. It’s gonna be long and full of babble!

The new leader took over in mid-February. I volunteered my assistance, promising I’d not leave her stressed out and overwhelmed by the duties of being a leader-knowing the end of the year is HORRIBLE. THAT was before she screwed me over and ruined my good name and standing. The end of the year is very stressful for a leader – depending on the year you could have just a normal end of year ceremony or if it’s time to go to the next level of Girl Scouting, you need to plan a bridging ceremony. There are certain activities/requirements the girls must complete before receiving their bridging patch and/or their wings. It’s crazy, it’s hectic and only the strong can handle it. I’ve planned and coordinated 4 bridging ceremonies in my time (working on my 5th right now) so I had plenty of experience to offer – until she screwed with me.

That being said… She arrogantly planned to do their ceremony at Metro park where the multiple bridges are set up at the park. She said she had it all under control – the girls would work with an older troop, they’d complete a brownie activity and they’d do their ceremony at the park. She didn’t need any help. This was a month ago…

Two weeks ago, a friend of mine still in the troop text me and informed me that their plans backfired. They’re so confused about the requirements, they don’t have an older troop to work with and they park closed down part of the area that they wanted to use for their ceremony. Gee, sucks to be you huh? They are scrambling around to find someone that has a bridge they could borrow, if anyone had any ideas, please please step forward…So, I got the text.. “Can I tell them you have a bridge?”  Oh lordy!! What to do, what to do? So, the “human” side of me said… HELL NO! Fuck her! but the Girl Scout leader in me said… “Sure, offer her my bridge on the condition I get an invite”, Yeah, I know, I’m an idiot. But, they’re still my girls even though their parents are bitches… So, my friend graciously offers my bridge and the new leader accepts the offer. WOO HOO, ain’t that grand? (insert sarcasm here)  I hear nothing from the leader, no email confirming my offer, no email offering an invitation. I was tickled to death when 2 of my former “moms” called/emailed me informing me of the ceremony and asking if we’d come. They didn’t know I was offering the bridge. Obviously the leader didn’t want them to know who was offering the bridge.. anyway..

Tonight…

So, tonight we pack up the bridge and show up early to set it up. The plan was, stay in the back, be discreet and leave immediately after the ceremony. HA! What a joke. It was absolutely amazing walking into the cafeteria and having 11 girls scream “Ms Teresa, Ms Teresa” I got bowled over with all the hugs and kisses. I just wanted to cry. The smile cracked my face it was so huge. I just love and miss those little girls so much! They were tickled to see us and so glad we were staying for the ceremony. A couple of the mom’s went crazy also – jumping up and screaming. It was hilarious and made my night. I’m still hurt, still upset but tonight was a night to celebrate so I held all my grudges inside for now.

The new leader walks in 10 minutes late, and before she even says hello to me she says, “Teresa, come here, I need your help” HUH? Okay.. She has me help get the girls awards/recognitions ready – apparently she bought them and never had time to separate them. Oh lord – so NOT my job but.. since I was dressed officially as a member of Girl Scouts, I couldn’t say “Fuck you” I had to help.

While I’m helping with the bags, Psycho comes in.. holy cow you wouldn’t believe the cold chill that came over the room. I just ignored her. One of my favorite mom’s came back to me and informed me psycho is furious, she kept dogging the new leader asking, “did you know SHE was coming? Did you know?” Obviously no one told her I was coming tonight. I glance over and she’s glaring daggers at me. Oh well. I was invited!

Ceremony begins…

New leader begins the ceremony by announcing “We have a Special guest for the night.. TERESA please stand up”.  Hmmm, this is so weird.

After the applause she then invites me up to the front to help with the ceremony explaining that she was so glad I showed up tonight, so glad I could loan out the bridge. She had “planned” on emailing me and inviting me to the ceremony but time just kept getting away from her. HELLO? I’m throwing the BULL SHIT flag out.. Just trying to save face here, I’m assuming. We all knew she wasn’t going to invite me, we all knew she was hoping I’d be too chicken to show up and just hand over the bridge to the mom who asked to borrow it. NOT going to happen.

So, I helped with the ceremony, I was included in the “troop” photos and one of the mom’s awarded flowers to the two new leaders and then.. pulled out two additional bouquets for Becca and I. Oh it was priceless.. psycho was PISSED. She got no acknowledgement at all and she was furious. I’d love to see the pictures they took of all the parents (who helped with the troop) when they called me over and I stood right in front of her! My night was complete!

I had planned to leave immediately after – but.. The mom’s wanted to talk – was I starting a new daisy troop next year (two of the girls couldn’t bridge), what are my plans for next year. After I informed them I’ve joined another brownie troop – quite a few informed me they’d be keeping in touch on Facebook. Looks like my new troop will have a few new faces next year. The new leader informed me she needed some serious help – she hadn’t turned in her finance report yet because she didn’t understand what to do. I explained what needed to be done and she asked if she could email me what she’d done so I can check it for her – Uh, didn’t you accuse me of embezzling? Why would I help you?  She then said, this was way too hectic and crazy for her and then loudly informed the parents they needed to talk to me and convince me to come back next year because she didn’t think she was going to come back. I just grinned and told her to give me a heads up if she quits – wouldn’t want all those darling girls left out in the cold. I’m not going to laugh, I’m not going to do the happy giggly dance because I know if I do, something will happen and I’ll end up getting screwed again. BUT.. It was so much fun to stand back and watch someone who though they were better than me – struggle and look like an incompetent fool. They may become the best damn leaders Girl Scouts will ever have and I wish them all the luck. But right now, I’m enjoying their struggle because.. Damn it. I offered my assistance and the stomped all over me. I’m tired of people treating me like an imbecile. I’m glad they finally see.. It’s not a piece of cake. It’s actually hard work and takes dedication.

As I was leaving, I told a few of the mom’s that if they wanted to see a real bridging ceremony they should come to my troop meeting next Wednesday, my girls are bridging to Seniors… Yeah, it was petty but… nobody is perfect right?

Finally after just under 15 years, we finally have a normal child. One that hates her parents and wishes she could run away. I thought she was broken, because we never experienced a child’s absolute hatred of their parents. We’ve all felt it. I know I hated mine once or twice, hell – I even ran away once (for a half hour) so it was finally a relief to see Becca is just like any other child. (NOT!!)

My head is splitting in half, the stress is killing me and not even a full bottle of Advil has dulled the ache in my head. I hate confrontations, I hate fighting, I’d rather just let it go, but last night – I’d had it and over such a small simple little thing – it blew up into WW3…

Chris was craving liver and onions. I haven’t made it for him in well over 10 years. I hate the stuff, and I never think that maybe just maybe he’s tired of the same basic crap (steak, chicken, pork) and maybe craving some variety. I cook to my palate and never thing of his so when he asked me to make him liver and onions… how could I not?

Becca asked me if she could help with dinner last night. The plan was for Becca and I to eat Chicken Helper while Chris had his liver and onions – so she helped with the Chicken helper while I cooked the liver. (My 1st mistake) I hate slimy things, I have issues with textures so needless to say, I had issues holding on to the thawed liver. I was unable to hide my gag reaction (My 2nd mistake). Dinner was ready, plates were set and I did not place one piece, one sliver of liver on my plate or Becca’s plate – I never even thought about it. (My 3rd and final mistake of the night)

Chris tastes his meal and apparently, my hatred of the vile meat did not reflect on my cooking as he said it was delicious. Becca, not knowing she will open the biggest can of worms in her life says, “I’m just glad I don’t have to eat that crap, it looks awful.” Hmmm, DING DING DING.. Becca has never had liver, she’s never tried it because I haven’t cooked it in years and we’ve never made her taste it when Chris got it at a restaurant because it’d always looked and tasted nasty. So, like my parents did and my parents parents did… we said, “here, try this, just this tiny little sliver. You’ve never had it and you may like it.” The girl loves venison – why not try a small piece of perfectly cooked liver? HOLY HELL broke loose – she said she wasn’t going to eat it, Chris said she was. She refused to touch it, Chris began shouting. I just sat quietly, eating my meal and waiting for the outcome. Becca in all her drama queen fashion started huffing and puffy, screaming and crying almost passing out from hyperventilating. Chris screamed, threatened, and nothing worked, she either ignored him or just sat there screaming – “MY GOD, What’s the big deal? Why do I have to eat it? What’s the big deal?” Chris asked me to intervene and I gave him the “look”. He stopped and waited.  I waited then asked patiently if she was done…silence.. I asked again.. silence.. Chris hollered – I gave him a look and quietly waited. I told Chris with hand signals to get me a stop watch. Still the hiccups, crying, shaking fingers and…drama. I waited. Stop watch in hand, I asked again if she was done. Silence.. I then calmly informed her that she had 30 seconds to eat that piece of meat (larger this time) and if it was not eaten, there would be hell to pay. I then informed her, calmly and quietly, that the “big deal” was not that one measly sliver of meat but it was her total lack of respect and out right defiance of a request made from her parents (specifically her father).. now, 30 seconds..right now. I counted off by 5 as the time ticked. She screamed, she hollered, she pitched one hell of a fit as I calmly hollered out by 5′s… by 25 seconds the piece was in her mouth – and the drama continued. Gagging, choking, hysterics, grabbing her throat trying not to puke. I wish I could have put her in drama this year – she’s a natural. Poor Chris was pale and ready to get up and give her CPR while I calmly watched the drama. She never chewed, she never swallowed but she gagged and gagged. That’s when I calmly informed her that if any of it came back up, I would head to the freeze for a full piece of the disgusting meat and cook it for her to eat it in it’s entirety. It took great control not to think of poor Christina from Mommy dearest – I wanted to just bust out laughing at the site, but poor Chris was about to faint from her dramatics and she was definitely pulling out all the stops. Just as I hit the stop watch a 2nd time to give her 30 seconds to calm down, she noticed my move and gulped down her milk to get rid of the disgusting meat. It’s funny.. while I watched I kept thinking of my brother and I, forced to eat that disgusting meat (in it’s entirety) and how if we’d ever pitched such a fit we’d have been lying on the floor bleeding and here is this sweet intelligent girl gone absolutely crazy over a piece no larger than my thumb nail!

Anyway, to close out the story. She was told to leave the table until she could get some semblance of control. We then called her back and I again explained that this “issue” was not about forcing her to eat a piece of meat, but it was the issue of outright disobeying her father and showing absolutely no respect for him or myself. Defiance will not be tolerated and is punishable by law… Punishment – no ipod, no computer, no phone (after school-she needs the phone at school for my sanity)… She had to clean up the back patio (at 8:30 at night) clean the kitchen and vacuum all the floors prior to going to bed.

Our punishment? After just under 15 years of NEVER closing her bedroom door, she closed the door and furiously wrote in her journal – no doubt discussing the demise of her horrible parents.

She’s given us no trouble for 14 years. She’s been the most absolutely perfect child in the whole world. If last night was any indication… I’m figuring our time is up and we’re in for one hell of a teenager experience… I can’t wait…. I’m definitely going back on my BP pills. I think I need them…

And hopefully, the sore throat she has this morning from all her screaming will have her reconsider her actions next time.. UGH